


Descending into Nihilism and Other Dangers of Modern Philosophy

by kayson



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, ethical debates, existentialism really is quite fun, talks about philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 03:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayson/pseuds/kayson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin must teach an advanced seminar, Arthur needs to fulfill a requirement, friends meddle, and ethical dilemmas are a common occurrence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Descending into Nihilism and Other Dangers of Modern Philosophy

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to A who was an amazingly wonderful beta, cheerleader and friend throughout this entire fest. Your feedback, suggestions and support so helpful, especially when it came to the ending since we both know that is the hardest part for me. 
> 
> Also, thank you so much to the OP for posting this prompt. It was really fun to write this and I do so hope that you'll enjoy! 
> 
> Written for prompt #1
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to Shine and BBC. I make no profit from this endeavor.

Merlin dumped four books and a thick folder onto his already messy office desk, wincing when one of his larger piles of journal articles fell to the floor in a heap. It was the Friday before classes started and Merlin had just learned that he would be working as a teaching assistant this term. He’d been hoping to make it through graduate studies without ever having to do such a thing but it seemed fate was a cruel mistress and he was about to have the pleasure of educating the leaders of tomorrow, as Gaius had put it.

 

“All right, Merlin?” Cedric asked, poking his head in the office and dubiously eyeing the fallen papers.

 

“Fine,” Merlin replied, waving Cedric off. He still wasn’t sure what he thought of the first year PhD student and was waiting for him to drop out of the programme. Gwen had called Cedric unoriginal and Gaius was convinced Cedric had somehow cheated on his end of term paper, though he had found no evidence of plagiarism when running the citations.

 

“I’m going to get a coffee,” Cedric informed him. “Did you want anything?”

 

“No, thanks,” Merlin answered, bending down to pick up the fallen papers. He figured he ought to clear a path to Cedric’s desk but he really didn’t want Cedric in there working with him. He’d had the office to himself for the first three years of his PhD work but then Gaius had decided to take on another student and they’d stuck him in with Merlin.

 

 _It isn’t fair_ , Merlin thought petulantly. He was in the second half of his fourth year as a PhD student and he had to share an office _now_? The first years were typically paired up to share and the students that were farther along got their own space. Luckily, the previous term Merlin had learned that Cedric only used the office for a few hours a week and it was mostly in silence while he worked on an assignment at the last minute.

 

There was a knock at the door and Merlin jumped before turning to see Gwen smiling at him with amusement.

 

“Good morning?”

 

Merlin snorted. “I’ve had better.”

 

“I hear you’re teaching an advanced seminar,” Gwen said, raising an eyebrow as she looked at the books he’d just put on the desk. “Excited?”

 

“Unbelievably,” he replied sarcastically. “I love taking time away from my dissertation to ramble on about freedom, responsibility, and individual will at a bunch of people who think philosophy is some sort of impractical, esoteric discipline reserved for dead old men with beards.”

 

Gwen chuckled, “Tell me how you really feel.”

 

Merlin blushed. “I’m sorry.” He shoved the books off of his chair and offered it to Gwen. “Gaius didn’t tell me until last night that he was going on sabbatical and that I’m required to take over the advanced seminar on existentialism for him. At least it only meets once a week.” He sighed miserably. “How’d you find out?”

 

“Gaius sent me to check on you,” Gwen answered, taking the empty chair. “I started teaching the feminist philosophy course at the end of my first year and I love it.”

 

“You helped design it,” Merlin pointed out and Gwen shrugged.

 

“Makes no difference.” She picked up one of the syllabi next to the computer and started paging through it. “You’ll enjoy it. You like arguing responsibility and individual agency, don’t deny it. Your dissertation is on bioethics and theory within health policy.”

 

“That’s what Gaius said,” Merlin replied, leaning against his desk. “He also reminded me that part of my contract and bursary agreement is that I teach or lecture. Apparently offering advice to a couple of students every once and a while or grading a few quizzes and proctoring an end of year exam in my second year doesn’t cut it.”

 

Gwen snickered. “Well, you clean his fish tank, which must make up for the rest of it.”

 

“Ugh,” Merlin groaned, “don’t remind me! That thing is disgusting. I can’t believe he keeps it in his office.”

 

“You’re allowed to tell him that you won’t clean his fish tank, you know,” Gwen said, looking as though she may start laughing. “That’s not in your contract.”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “He’d phone my mother and tell her I’m not living up to his expectations and then she’d phone me and berate me for making poor Doctor Leech use his arthritic hands to scrub the inside of his huge bloody fish tank.”

 

“Gaius has arthritis?” Gwen asked, concerned.

 

“No,” Merlin assured her quickly, “he just likes to make my life miserable.”

 

“He loves you,” Gwen retorted, grinning at Merlin’s raised eyebrow.

 

“If you say so.” He sighed and looked at the disorganised mess on his desk. “Want to come to my place for lunch around noon? Heide needs a walk and, surprise, I actually did some shopping.”

 

“Sounds lovely,” Gwen replied, getting to her feet. “I have a late Christmas gift for Heide in my office, actually.”

 

“You didn’t have to do that,” he muttered but the delighted grin showed just how much the idea pleased him. “You and Lance did enough for me at Christmas.”

 

“Merlin, I knitted you a lumpy scarf and Lance burnt the _pudding_ , I hardly call that doing enough,” Gwen argued, tutting slightly.

 

“I gave you a used Audre Lorde book,” Merlin began but Gwen broke in with, “And I _loved_ it, you daft creature.”

 

“That’s not the point!” Merlin yelped, ducking Gwen’s well-aimed teasing swat to his arm.

 

“What’s the point, then?” Gwen asked, a smile dancing on her lips. “We’re both graduate students, we’re both so disgustingly poor that joking about living in a cardboard box gets less and less funny every year.” She kissed his cheek. “Accept that I bought your dog a Christmas gift, Merlin, and I’ll let you make me lunch.”

 

“Fine,” Merlin muttered, obviously pleased in spite of himself. “Now go back to your office, I have a lecture to plan. I’ll come get you before I leave.”

 

*~*~*

 

“You’re taking what?” Morgana asked, looking positively gleeful at her younger half-brother’s announcement.

 

“An advanced existential philosophy seminar,” Arthur replied, spitting the words out as if they tasted badly in his mouth.

 

“What use could you possibly have for such a course?” their father demanded.

 

Arthur sighed. “I didn’t want to take it. I have to. It satisfies the humanities requirement I’ve been putting off.”

 

“Why can’t you take an introductory course?” Uther asked, narrowing his eyes at Arthur. “You have no training in philosophy; I don’t see why you would choose something so far from your track of study. Questioning the meaning of life is not going to serve you very well in the boardroom.”

 

“I know, Father,” Arthur replied, stabbing his potato with more force than was necessary. He hated going to Sunday dinner with his father but there had been no way of getting out of it this week. Since classes were starting the following morning, Uther had announced that he was driving the two hours from London to visit his children and make sure they had one last relaxing meal before the term officially began. Never mind that Morgana had finished her law degree four years ago and made good money working in human rights law, never mind that Arthur was more stressed out about his father’s visit than about anything that could possibly occur at uni, Uther was going to visit his children, and that was that.

 

“Drop the course, Arthur,” Uther ordered, motioning subtly to the waiter that he would like the bill as his daughter glared at him.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with Arthur taking something out of his traditional field of study,” Morgana said hotly, ignoring the bemused but slightly grateful look on Arthur’s face. “He won’t have a lot of variety when he’s working on accounts or telling wealthy people how to invest their money.”

 

“That’s my point,” Uther snapped. “He doesn’t need something else clouding his judgement. He’s been taught how to think in his business courses, he doesn’t need abstract, obscure thoughts keeping him up at night.”

 

“It’ll probably help him take responsibility,” Morgana argued, still ignoring Arthur whose expression had changed from bemused gratefulness to resignation. “Existentialism is a good choice, actually. It focuses on--”

 

“I don’t care,” Uther cut her off. “He should drop the course and take something that won’t interfere with his important studies.”

 

“I’ve finished most of the other requirements,” Arthur interjected quickly. “The main reason I’m in this class is because I can’t take any of the lower division philosophy or humanities courses. They wouldn’t let me in them!”

 

Uther frowned at his son, trying to determine whether or not he was telling the truth. “Why not?”

 

“They said that I’m too far into my coursework that taking a lower division course would no longer count towards my degree. I have to take a humanities course that is on the equivalent level of one of my finance or marketing courses. Otherwise, the humanities course would be pass or fail and,” he swallowed, knowing his father wouldn’t like the next bit, “I probably wouldn’t graduate with a First.”

 

“What?” Uther demanded, voice dangerously low. “You said you had top marks.”

 

“I do,” Arthur replied, casting a look at Morgana for help but she only smiled at him to say that she’d tried and there was nothing more she could do. “I’m just not top in everything.”

 

Uther sighed and looked at his son. “Take this course, then. But Arthur, you had better get high marks. I don’t want to hear that you took a risk on something as obtuse as _philosophy_ and came in near the bottom.”

 

“Yes, Father,” Arthur answered, wondering why winning this argument felt so much like losing.

 

*~*~*

 

Early to his first philosophy class, Arthur found a large table rather than desks. He took a seat next to a thin, dark-haired girl who offered him a shy smile as he pulled out his notebook. “Have you had a class with this professor before?” he asked her.

 

“Yes,” she replied. “I like Doctor Leech; he’s really nice. Nowhere near as cryptic as Doctor Kay.”

 

“Doctor Kay?” Arthur asked, puzzled. He wondered if everyone but him was a philosophy student.

 

“Doctor Kilgharrah,” the girl clarified. “He’s the department head?”

 

Arthur shook his head. “I’ve not had a class with him.”

 

“Everyone’s had a class with Doctor Kay,” said the sandy haired boy on Arthur’s left. “It’s a requirement or something to get your philosophy degree. You have to listen to him carry on about all sorts of rubbish like destiny and the wisdom of the ancients.”

 

Arthur snorted. “I don’t mind giving that one a miss.”

 

“What’re you studying, then?” the girl asked, adding, “I’m Freya and this is Gilli. We’ve both had more philosophy courses than we can count.”

 

“Business,” Arthur answered, feeling unduly annoyed by the speaking looks that passed between them at that. “I promise I’m not out to take advantage or to find and motivate our synergy,” he added dryly, making Freya blush and Gilli snort.

 

“It’s not that,” Freya said after a moment’s hesitation. “We really weren’t judging you.”

 

“Thanks,” Arthur muttered, kicking himself inwardly for the hurt that crossed Freya’s face.

 

“Existential philosophy might not be the best place for you,” Gilli said bluntly but not unkindly. “It’s not like taking one of the ancient philosophy classes, even one taught by Doctor Kay.”

 

“Maybe talk to Doctor Leech,” Freya suggested. “He usually teaches a lower division modern philosophy course as well.”

 

“Or you could ask Merlin,” Gilli said, nodding towards the young man who had just entered the room with a stack of papers and an unknown thin volume clutched to his chest.

 

“I heard my name,” Merlin said, looking up expectantly and smiling at everyone. “Hello, Gilli, Freya. All right?”

 

“Hi, Merlin,” Freya replied, a small blush colouring her cheeks. To Arthur she whispered, “He’s Doctor Leech’s TA. He doesn’t teach or anything but he’s really nice and helpful if you ever need help. I’ve gone to him a few times when I couldn’t find Doctor Leech or another professor.” 

 

Arthur nodded and gave Merlin the once over without bothering to be too discreet. Merlin was attractive in an understated way: ears slightly too big for traditional good looks, blue eyes contrasted nicely with dark hair and fair skin, all making Arthur think Merlin’s smile was just about gorgeous. He decided it was time to stop thinking about his professor’s teaching assistant when he started to mentally undress Merlin from his dark wash jeans to his hideous red scarf, which Arthur thought Merlin had probably knitted himself.

 

“What’re you doing here?” Gilli asked Merlin, startling Arthur out of his thoughts. “Don’t you have some big dissertation to write?”

 

Merlin chuckled. “Yeah, I do, but I’m supposed to be teaching you lot.” He turned to look at the clock behind him and shrugged. “Might as well start, yeah?”

 

“They said you didn’t teach,” Arthur blurted before he could stop himself.

 

“I usually don’t,” Merlin replied, not seeming at all put out by Arthur’s words, looking rather amused instead. “I don’t think I know you. I guess that changes today.” He surveyed the class once more with a grin before launching in to an introduction and passing around a sheet of paper for everyone to fill out. “Just write down your experiences and interests in philosophy so that I have a better idea on how to structure the course. We’ll go over the syllabus and I’ll ramble on about Kierkegaard for a bit and then we’ll go from there.” He added, “Oh, and I’m Merlin. Or, I suppose for this, I’m Mister Emrys.” He visibly shook himself to get his bearings. “Anyway, let’s move on.”

 

Arthur couldn’t help staring at Merlin. He had such a strange way of conducting class that Arthur thought this couldn’t possibly be how a philosophy course was run. In his marketing and finance courses the professors typically lectured about one topic and never asked the students to speak or offer their opinions. Sure, they had presentations and mock-ups but they never really gave opinions, just presented case studies or their projects. He knew it was a cliché but he’d rather expected an old man with white hair and a pipe to question students about how they could truly _know_ anything or make them prove their own existence. Merlin didn’t fit any of those stereotypes.

 

No, Merlin was only a few years older than Arthur and shockingly animated, friendly and attractive. He seemed genuinely excited about the subject and kept asking students to offer their opinions, seeming to listen and consider everyone’s point before responding or expanding upon their answer.

 

“What do you think?” Merlin asked, looking expectantly at Arthur as he leaned across the round table, blue eyes intent on Arthur’s face.

 

Arthur shook his head. “I’m not sure.”

 

Merlin smiled. “Fair enough, we can’t all make on the spot decisions about our systems of ethics or conflicts of ethical duties.” He turned to a large Indian boy who seemed enthusiastic about the topic. “What about you, Rajiv?”

 

Arthur tried not to let out a relieved sigh when Merlin turned away from him. It wasn’t that he hadn’t known how to answer Merlin’s question, but he hadn’t been listening. Embarrassed, he forced himself to concentrate and found that he was only moderately able to follow the discussion. This was not good, he realised; he would have to work twice as hard in this course if he wanted to do well and ensure he graduated with a First. Doubt started to creep in and he pushed it away, he wouldn’t let his father’s words break him into admitting that maybe he hadn’t made the best course decision.

 

*~*~*

 

“Lance is playing rugby on Saturday if you want to come to the park for a few hours and get out of the library,” Gwen announced, leaning on the doorframe of Merlin’s office.

 

“I can’t,” Merlin sighed, resting his chin in his hand and looking over at her. “It’s too cold and anyway, it was just snowing a few days ago.”

 

Gwen laughed. “I don’t think they care. Morgana and I bring hot chocolate to stay warm but it’s all rather exciting. I think the adrenaline keeps us warm more than anything.” She smiled, announcing, “Lance’s team is really good.”

 

Merlin shook his head, grinning at Gwen’s obvious bias for her boyfriend’s team. “I’m sure they are.”

 

“They are!” Gwen protested, chuckling at Merlin’s teasing tone. “You should come.”

 

“I’m not a rugby fan,” Merlin replied with a shrug, looking back at the papers on his desk. “Maybe we could go for drinks afterwards? I wouldn’t mind getting out of the library at some point tomorrow night.”

 

“Sure.” Gwen nodded. “Come over around eight and we can go to the pub near my flat. I’ll ask Morgana’s brother to join us. He plays on the rugby team and I think you might like him.” She ignored Merlin’s groan of protest. “I’m serious, Merlin, you two would get on. He’s very attractive.”

 

“Gwen, please don’t try setting me up with anyone,” Merlin begged. “I know you’re happy with Lance and you think it’s time I got a move on but I’m really fine. You, Will, my mother, hell, even Gaius and Drake worry too much about who I’m dating.”

 

“Doctor Kay took an interest in your love life?” Gwen asked, covering her mouth to hide the grin Merlin knew was there.

 

“Shut up,” Merlin grumbled, laughing along when Gwen began to guffaw.

 

“Oh, Merlin, that is priceless.” Gwen shook her head. “Fine, I won’t meddle but I do think you ought to go on a date at least once this term.”

 

“I’ve got plenty of men to date,” Merlin said brightly. “There’s Jean-Paul and Claude and Immanuel!”

 

Gwen rolled her eyes. “How about a date with someone who isn’t a dead French philosopher?”

 

“Kant wasn’t French!” Merlin protested, scandalised.

 

“No, but he was definitely insane and not your type,” Gwen argued. She pushed off the wall and walked over, hugging Merlin around the shoulders. “I’m not going to push but I do think you should try.”

 

“I don’t have time,” Merlin replied, hugging Gwen awkwardly. He appreciated her kindness and sometimes wondered what he would do without her. She was one of the few of his fellow graduate students he really spent time with and it made something in him hurt to know that she worried about him.

 

“None of us really do,” Gwen said with a shrug. “Now come on, it’s nearly five and I’m heading back to the flat early. You should go home and take Heide out; I bet she’s ready for one of her evening romps.”

 

“Wait for me?” Merlin asked, hurrying to gather his things. “I’ll walk you to the bus stop.”

 

“Of course,” Gwen answered, moving out of the way as Merlin collected his travel mug from behind her. “I’m not letting you out that easily. I want to know if you’ve found your life’s ambition is truly to educate young minds and this whole PhD thing is just a lark.”

 

Merlin laughed at her overly dramatic tone. “It’s only the end of the second week, give it time.” He glanced at the stack of twelve essays he had to grade and winced. “Well, better ask me tomorrow after the pub. I’ve got papers to grade and there’re one or two students I’m a bit worried about.”

 

Gwen nodded sagely. “There always are but it is your job to enlighten them, Merlin.”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Come on, wise woman of the forest, let’s get out of here before you start spouting prophesy.”

 

*~*~*

 

Class had ended three hours ago and Arthur was still angry and embarrassed when he thought back to what Merlin or Mr Emrys or whatever Arthur was supposed to call him had said when he’d pulled Arthur aside during the five minute break to hand back his essay. Arthur glared at his rucksack, not wanting to pull out the offending paper and its tell-tale red marks. Frustrated, he tossed the rugby ball he was fiddling with at Gwaine who was lounging on the sofa, watching _Red Dwarf_ reruns and laughing.

 

“Oi!” Gwaine grabbed the rugby ball and threw it back at Arthur, hitting him in the legs. “What was that for?”

 

“I’m bored,” Arthur lied. “We should do something.” He wanted to get his mind off of the poor marks he’d received on the essay and maybe get drunk. He had spent hours doing research on the critique and comparison of Kierkegaard and Heidegger and thought he’d done a good job. Merlin, however, had ripped Arthur’s essay to shreds and appeared to have stopped grading it if the last three untouched pages were anything to go by. Merlin had scrawled, “We should talk” on the back of the essay and given him one point just this side of passing.

 

“Can’t, mate,” Gwaine replied. “I’m going to Elena’s in a bit. You should have gone out with us on Saturday. You’d have liked Gwen’s friend…Ervin, I think his name was.” He laughed. “I don’t remember, I was pretty pissed. I almost got his number for you.”

 

“No thanks,” Arthur replied, shaking his head. “I don’t want some bookish, weird graduate student who lives in his office and can’t carry on a conversation with normal people.” He offered a silent apology to Merlin, who Arthur found to be anything but boring and awkward. “Besides, I had that philosophy essay to finish.”

 

“And you say _you_ don’t want bookish.” Gwaine snorted. “How’d it go, anyway?”

 

Arthur made a face. “Not well. I got a sixty per cent.”

 

Gwaine whistled his sympathy. “Maybe talk to Gwen? She’s doing her degree in some kind of philosophy.”

 

Arthur sighed. “Maybe, but she probably knows my instructor and will tell him more about me than he ever needs to know.”

 

Gwaine laughed. “That’s a risk you’ve got to take if you want to do well.” His mobile buzzed and he quickly typed out a text. “I’ve got to go but you ought to go visit your sister and casually drop into conversation with Gwen that you think she’s brilliant.”

 

“You’re so subtle,” Arthur deadpanned.

 

Gwaine waggled his eyebrows. “I do what I can!”

 

Arthur shook his head at Gwaine’s antics but once the door closed, he pulled out his mobile and after a moment’s hesitation, rang Lance instead of Morgana.

 

“Hey, Arthur,” Lance greeted.

 

“Hey,” Arthur replied. “Are you going to see Gwen today?”

 

“Yeah, probably,” Lance said. “Why? Did you need me to stay there or something tonight?”

 

“No!” Arthur said quickly. “No, nothing like that.”

 

Lance laughed on the other line. “I was wondering what it was. Thought maybe Gwaine had given…well, never mind.”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur said uncertainly. “Hey, can I go with you when you go see Gwen? I need to ask her something.”

 

“Sure,” Lance said pleasantly. “I’ll be back at the flat in about half an hour and we can go.”

 

“Great,” Arthur agreed. “See you in a bit.”

 

He sighed and put his phone on the table, knowing he should take another look at the comments Merlin had written on his paper but his pride held him back. It had been a long time since he’d received so many red marks on an assignment and it was the first time in his university career that he’d ever received such a low grade. It was mortifying to him, especially since he had a fierce urge to have Merlin like him as much as he liked Merlin. It was childish and silly but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want Merlin to think he was the idiot business major who just showed up to class and never tried. He _did_ try; philosophy was just so different and difficult from anything in the business faculty that he felt like he was reading a book with every other page missing.

 

When Lance got back to the flat, he took a quick shower and changed into a fresh set of clothes, apologising to Arthur for taking so long.

 

“It’s fine,” Arthur answered, grabbing his rucksack when Lance indicated that they should go. “I’m not really looking forward to this.”

 

Lance laughed and locked the door behind them. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I need to ask Gwen about philosophy,” Arthur admitted as they left the building and began the twenty minute walk that would take them to Gwen and Morgana’s shared flat. “I did…rather poorly on my recent essay.”

 

“It can’t have been worth much of your grade,” Lance said kindly. “You’re still learning. It’s what, the third week of classes now?”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur replied. “It’s not worth a large portion but I still don’t want the teacher to think I’m lazy or stupid.”

 

Lance grinned. “I’m sure it’s not that bad. First assignment, yeah? They probably don’t even know who you are. Do better on the next one and it will blow over.”

 

“I hope so,” Arthur muttered, letting out a sigh as they stepped inside the girls’ building. Arthur knew Lance was right: if he did well on the next assignment he could forget about his first poor attempt at a philosophical critique. However, he didn’t particularly like the thought of Merlin not knowing who he was or, even worse, thinking Arthur was an idiot. Granted, Arthur had never actually spoken in class except to ask who Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir were and that had resulted in quite a bit of scoffing and incredulous looks from his classmates. Merlin had simply shrugged before saying kindly that they would get there later in the term and students were encouraged to work together and share knowledge, not mock others for not knowing.

 

Arthur had been both grateful and embarrassed for Merlin gently chastising the rest of the class for their tittering at what they felt was a great hole in his university education. He’d wanted to snap that at least he knew he was guaranteed a job and that no one in the business world would particularly care if he could quote from _Either/Or_. Those sorts of tricks, he’d thought petulantly, wouldn’t help him win the deal. The look on Merlin’s face however, the small nod he’d offered Arthur before asking Freya to expand upon her question of whether living for pleasure was truly unethical, had been enough to keep Arthur from shouting at his classmates.

 

“C’mon, Arthur,” Lance said, chuckling as he tugged Arthur out of the lift. “It’s not going to be that bad. Gwen won’t care if you did badly or not.”

 

Arthur nodded and knocked on the door to their flat.

 

“Arthur, hi!” Gwen said cheerfully, ushering him into the flat before giving Lance a quick peck on the lips. “Is everything all right? Lance mentioned that you wanted to talk to me about something.”

 

Arthur cast a glance at his flatmate who simply shrugged, making Arthur roll his eyes. Of course Lance would have already let Gwen know that Arthur was coming by; they told each other everything.

 

Both Gwen and Morgana had told Arthur that he was welcome whenever he wanted to stop by but he rarely came over. He spent the majority of his free time playing rugby and everything else was invested in his university life. He had obligations in both the finance and marketing departments in the business faculty and spent three nights a week at different meetings or guest lectures. His father had drilled into him the importance of networking and Arthur had it down to an art form. His business professors loved him and most of the students in the business building knew who he was on sight. Everyone expected him to do well and he knew that if he stayed on track, he was looking at a very comfortable job with an even more comfortable living. He just needed to get through this philosophy course, get top marks, and graduate with a First.

 

“He did badly on his philosophy paper,” Lance explained when Arthur didn’t respond to Gwen.

 

Gwen turned to look at Arthur curiously. “I’ll help if I can, Arthur, but the best person to talk to would be the professor. What are you taking?”

 

Arthur knelt and unzipped his rucksack, pulling out a red folder and flipping through the various papers it contained. “Is Morgana here?”

 

“No,” Gwen replied, glancing briefly at her watch. “She probably won’t be back until after seven or eight. She goes to a yoga class after work on Tuesdays.”

 

Arthur snorted at the image of his hot tempered but brilliant sister doing yoga. “I don’t think she mentioned that. I always thought judo would be more her style.”

 

Gwen laughed. “I think she likes how much it relaxes her.”

 

Arthur had nothing to say to that. It was probably nice to find an outlet for all of the stressors in Morgana’s life. If she ever mentioned it in front of him, however, he’d tease her mercilessly.

 

“Here it is,” Arthur said, pulling the essay out and putting everything else away. “I don’t get to rewrite it or anything; I think I’m stuck with the grade.” He grimaced. “I was just hoping you could, I don’t know, tell me how to write my next one.”

 

Gwen raised her eyebrow. “I can’t tell you how to write, Arthur. That’s not going to help you learn anything.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Arthur corrected. “I just meant I’m so used to writing for business.”

 

Gwen nodded with relief. “Well, why don’t you and Lance go make tea and I’ll have a quick read through of your essay.”

 

“I’ll make it,” Lance said. “You two stay out here.” He pressed a kiss to Gwen’s temple, disappearing into the kitchen.

 

“You need help?” Arthur called, raising his eyebrows at the fond look on Gwen’s face.

 

“You can help by staying out there,” Lance replied teasingly. “You burn water, mate.”

 

Arthur snorted but didn’t protest. Instead, he turned to Gwen and handed over his essay. “You’re probably going to laugh at me.”

 

Gwen shook her head and said gently, “No, no, Arthur, I’d never do that.” She took the essay from him. “What’s it on?”

 

“We had to compare Heidegger and Kierkegaard,” Arthur answered. “It was my first time ever reading them and, well…I think I must have read something different from everyone else because I didn’t understand.”

 

“Is this for the Introduction to Modern Philosophy course Nimueh’s teaching? She’s never taught that before, she likes the ancients. Mostly the pre-Socratics,” Gwen replied in what Arthur assumed was supposed to be a reassuring voice. “I know she’s, um, intimidating and isn’t overly fond of her, er, male students sometimes, but she’s not completely unapproachable.”

 

“Oh,” Arthur said dumbly. “Well, that’s good but I’m not in that course.”

 

Gwen blushed. “Forget I said anything about her, then.”

 

Arthur shrugged his confusion. “Sure.”

 

“So who else is teaching Kierkegaard and Heidegger in intro if it’s not Nimueh?” Gwen asked curiously, still holding Arthur’s essay without having glanced at it.

 

“I’m not in an intro course,” Arthur said. “Didn’t Morgana tell you? I’m in one of the advanced seminars because they wouldn’t let me take intro.”

 

“Oh,” Gwen said, eyes widening and quickly looking at Arthur’s essay. She paged through it, her eyes glancing over the red marks before she turned the page. “Oh, you’re in Merlin’s class.”

 

Arthur nodded jerkily. “Yeah.”

 

“What do you think of him?” Gwen asked lightly, though her tone didn’t fool Arthur.

 

“He’s a friend of yours, isn’t he?” Arthur said flatly, reaching out to take his essay back. “I’ll just try and do better next time. Don’t worry about it, Gwen.”

 

Gwen batted his hands away. “No, I’ll look it over and do what I can but I think you ought to talk to Merlin.”

 

Arthur scoffed. “He thinks I’m an idiot now.”

 

“No, he’s not really like that,” Gwen argued. “He’s probably more concerned that his class isn’t interesting or that you don’t care. Believe me, that would upset him so much more.”

 

“Great,” Arthur said sarcastically. “So he thinks I don’t care. Maybe I do want him to think I’m an idiot, at least then he might go easy on the grading.”

 

“No!” Gwen cried, horrified. “That’s not what I meant.”

 

“Arthur, play nice!” Lance called from the kitchen, popping his head around the corner and checking to make sure Gwen was all right.

 

“Sit down, I’ll look over your essay and we’ll figure something out,” Gwen said soothingly. “I really think you should talk to Merlin.”

 

“You know Merlin already, Arthur?” Lance asked from behind, holding out a steaming mug of tea out to each of them.

 

“What do you mean ‘already’?” Arthur asked with a frown. “Do you know him?”

 

“Yeah, I’ve met him at some of the graduate student mixers with Gwen and then we had dinner on Christmas Eve before he went back to Wales to see his mum,” Lance replied. “What do you think of him? Do you like him?”

 

Gwen elbowed Lance in the side. “Arthur’s in that seminar Merlin’s teaching.”

 

“Oh,” Lance said, eyes widening and shifting uncomfortably. “I didn’t realise.”

 

Arthur looked between the pair with confusion before shaking his head and deciding it really didn’t matter. “He seems nice enough. I just need to get a good mark in his class.”

 

“You should definitely go see him,” Gwen urged again. “I think he holds office hours in the mornings on Mondays and Wednesdays.”

 

Lance snorted. “Really? Merlin’s a grumpy bastard in the morning.”

 

“He thinks it will dissuade students from bothering him when he’s working on his dissertation,” Gwen replied with a laugh. At Arthur’s raised eyebrow Gwen hurried to add, “He’s really not that bad and by the time he’s had coffee he’s perfectly friendly.”

 

“Unless you’re Cedric,” Lance commented, grinning at Gwen who rolled her eyes.

 

“I can’t go to his morning office hours tomorrow,” Arthur interrupted. “Why do you think I didn’t ask for help on this essay? I don’t particularly _like_ seeing my essays bleed red ink.”

 

“He’s there most of the day,” Gwen replied with a shrug. “Just stop by and knock on his door. If he’s there, he’ll let you in.”

 

“All right, I’ll go after my class.” He nodded towards his essay still in Gwen’s lap. “Will you still help me?”

 

*~*~*

 

Merlin had been in his office since nine that morning and none of his students had dropped by. He’d been a little disappointed that Arthur, the student who had gotten the lowest mark, hadn’t bothered to come and talk to him. Merlin figured that he would probably drop the class now. It was one of the reasons Merlin had assigned a critique essay so early in the term – he wanted the students who weren’t really interested to be able to withdraw without punishment. Arthur seemed attentive enough in the seminar but he had only spoken once and never participated in the discussion.

 

Now it was after lunch and Merlin still hadn’t made any headway on his dissertation research. He’d reorganised his office, updated all of the programmes on his computer, rearranged the furniture so that he could pretend like Cedric wasn’t in there with him, and made four cups of tea. Gwen had come to get him for lunch, claiming that she just happened to have made one sandwich too many and that he needed to eat it so that it wouldn’t go to waste. He hadn’t the heart to call her on her lie and had secretly been grateful that he wouldn’t have to eat the bean stew he’d been having as leftovers for the last eight days. It was starting to smell a bit off and there was even more in the freezer.

 

Lunch with Gwen had been short but wonderful. They’d chatted about Lance’s rugby game and Gwen promised to never try and set Merlin up again. She didn’t say why, but apparently it was a good thing that Merlin hadn’t met Morgana’s brother on Saturday night.

 

“You would have been against dating him on principle,” had been Gwen’s response when Merlin pressed for more information. He didn’t know what to make of that statement and assumed that it meant Morgana’s younger brother, whatever his name was as Merlin hadn’t managed to catch it, was deep in the closet.

 

He was finally settling in to drink his fifth cup of tea and read another chapter of Buchannan’s _Beyond Humanity? The Ethics of Biomedical Enhancement_ _when there was a knock at his door._

_“Come on in,” Merlin called, sticking a post-it in the book to keep his spot. He always left his door partially open so that_ _anyone could drop in and say hello or, if it were Gaius or Drake, send him off to run some errand or another._

_“Hi, Mister Emrys.”_

_Merlin started at the sound of his last name, still very unaccustomed to being addressed as such, and rotated his chair to see Arthur standing in the doorway. “How’re you?” he asked, getting up and shoving a stack of books and papers off the extra chair he kept by his desk to act as a side table. “Have a seat.”_

He leaned back in his chair and watched as Arthur dropped his rucksack, settling himself in the battered old swivel chair Merlin had offered. He thought Arthur looked uncomfortable and more than a little out of place in his stuffy, chaotic office with whitewashed walls full of nothing but philosophy books and articles and very few personal items.

 

“I wanted to talk with you about my essay,” Arthur began when he finally managed to tear his eyes away from the whiteboard drawing Merlin had hung next to his desk: a huge sketched window that opened out to a rolling countryside covered in what Arthur thought were supposed to be sheep.

 

“My office hours were this morning,” Merlin replied, flicking his eyes over to the whiteboard and trying to contain a grin. Gwen had suggested he use it to diagram his dissertation chapters, like she used hers, but he liked this much better.

 

“I can’t make them.” Arthur unzipped his rucksack and pulled out his essay. “I have class or a tutorial every morning except Friday but I’m usually busy then with other things.” He shrugged. “I thought I’d see if you were here and could help me now.”

 

Merlin tried not to raise his eyebrows at the mention of ‘other things’. He’d heard enough of Gaius’s rants about his dislike for when undergraduates made excuses about why they couldn’t come to class or meet with their professor. Classes and tutorials were an understandable reason but Merlin’s hackles went up at Arthur’s assuming tone.

 

“If you can’t, I’ll leave,” Arthur offered, correctly interpreting Merlin’s expression and body language. “I just thought I ought to try. Your syllabus says we can make appointments with you.”

 

“Well, yeah, you can,” Merlin said, reaching for his barely used agenda book. His mother had given it to him for his birthday but he hadn’t ever been in the habit of using a planner. “I’m here most days so I guess we can find a time that works for you.”

 

“I’m here now,” Arthur pointed out, pushing his essay towards Merlin. “No time like the present.”

 

Merlin snorted. “I guess that’s fine for today but we’ll have to pick a regular time. I can’t have you dropping in whenever you feel like it.”

 

Arthur grinned and nodded. “Of course. I know you’ve got that dissertation to write.”

 

Merlin did his best not to flush. The truth was that his dissertation had come to a standstill and he was cursing Gaius on a daily basis for going on sabbatical and leaving him with Drake and Nimueh. The two of them repelled each other and he found himself wanted to bash his head against the wall whenever he brought up his research concerns.

 

“Right,” Merlin said quickly, snatching the essay up and starting to page through it. He frowned as he read over the first few paragraphs and tapped the notes he’d made. “What did I give you for this again?” He flipped to the back and checked the grade, wincing before giving Arthur a sympathetic look. “It’s probably for the best that I only graded you for the first few pages.”

 

“So you did stop reading halfway through,” Arthur stated flatly.

 

“Well, it was either that or fail you,” Merlin said with a shrug. “Your grasp of Kierkegaard is frighteningly bad and Heidegger is non-existent. Who taught you before this? Was it one of the other grad students?” He looked at the conclusion paragraph and sighed. “I don’t think it could have been Mithian, she’s really popular with lower division students and–”

 

“No,” Arthur interrupted. “I’ve never had a class from her.”

 

Merlin nodded but still looked confused. “Is this your first modern philosophy course? You could have used Aristotle to critique Heidegger if you prefer the ancients. I wouldn’t have minded.” He offered Arthur a sly grin. “It might have actually been quite fun!”

 

Arthur stared at Merlin as though he were crazy for suggesting that writing philosophy essays was an enjoyable pastime.

 

“This is my first philosophy course, Merl--Mister Emrys,” Arthur said seriously, raising an eyebrow at Merlin’s shocked expression.

 

“Merlin’s fine,” Merlin replied with a wave. “It’s odd, yeah? Being formal when I’m really only a few years older.”

 

Arthur said nothing, just reached over to take his essay back. “So, what do I need to do to get top marks on the next essay?”

 

“Oh, I don’t think you should stay in the class,” Merlin told him bluntly. “You’re not going to do well if this is all new to you. It’s an advanced seminar designed for students who are doing their degree in philosophy or have a strong background in the discipline. You’re not going to learn everything you need to know just by coming to class and doing the readings. This class is designed to build on your existing knowledge.”

 

“I’m not an idiot,” Arthur argued. “I have plenty of _existing knowledge_. It might not be in philosophy but it’s probably more relevant to real life.”

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Thanks for that.”

 

“You know what I mean,” Arthur protested, not appearing to notice that Merlin was offended. “What I’m doing actually matters.”

 

“Oh, yes, of course it does,” Merlin said dryly. “Far be it for me to criticise what _you_ study. I’ll try and control myself.”

 

“I’m going to at least have a job when I finish,” Arthur continued, not sure why he was pushing this so much. He supposed Merlin had offended him when he told Arthur in no uncertain terms that he should withdraw from the course.

 

“Nice. You’re quite humble, aren’t you?” Merlin felt more amused than angry but something like doubt and hurt was bubbling in his chest. His mother and best friend had both protested when Merlin told them he was going to study philosophy. Will had tried to convince Merlin to study law if he was so wrapped up with ethics and Hunith had smiled sadly when she realised he wouldn’t be deterred and said that her old mentor from university would probably take Merlin on if he applied.

 

“It’s better than sitting around that table and discussing individual experiences and how they shape our existence,” Arthur muttered grouchily.

 

“What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?” Merlin quoted, looking at Arthur seriously.

 

“What’s that from?” Arthur asked, doing his best not to flush at Merlin’s gentle but somewhat scathing rebuke. “I feel like I’m supposed to know it.”

 

Merlin sighed. “It’s from _Either/Or_. Did you actually do the readings before writing your essay?”

 

“Of course I did.” Arthur glowered at Merlin. “I didn’t just make everything up. Although, it is philosophy so I suppose…”

 

“No,” Merlin cut him off. “Enough of that. I understand you’re unhappy with your grade but that is not what philosophy is. It’s more than _your_ ideas, _your_ opinions and _your_ biases. People throw the word around because it somehow validates their attitude. We say, ‘philosophy on life’ as though your opinion on how you live your life is truly some kind of fundamental breakthrough. It’s ridiculous and not at all what this class is about. People follow existentialism and write about it because it’s a movement, it’s bigger than you, it’s important. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even have to bloody agree with it, but if you’re going to keep your mind closed and not bother to even attempt to understand, then I’ll drop you from the course myself.”

 

Arthur stared at him. The person sitting in front of him was a very different Merlin from who Arthur was used to seeing in class. This Merlin was not the friendly, affable, laughing young man who asked shy Freya to expand upon her ideas; this was someone who was passionate about what they did and would fight for it until Doomsday. Perhaps, Arthur thought, he should reconsider his opinion on philosophy. Maybe he should have been more serious in writing that paper and not just used it as an excuse to skip meeting the likely very strange and socially inept graduate student Morgana had wanted to introduce him to. 

 

Arthur felt torn between wanting to punch Merlin for speaking to him in such a way and offering to take him out for coffee to get to know him better. He hadn’t raised his voice or shouted and as much as it hurt Arthur’s pride to be spoken to in such a manner by someone who was only a few years older, he was both impressed and appropriately embarrassed.

 

“Now,” Merlin was saying, “I’ll let you stay in my class despite your blatant disrespect for me and my field if you promise to start doing your readings.”

 

“You’re not dropping me?” Arthur asked curiously.

 

“I should.” Merlin shrugged. “I’m not going to, though. I think you’re probably not normally this much of an arrogant prat and philosophy might do you some good.”

 

“Did you call me a prat?” Arthur demanded, trying not to laugh. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

 

Merlin raised his eyebrows, a smile on his lips. “I think you rather deserved it.” He snickered at Arthur’s sputtering. “Now, do you want to figure out a good time for us to meet? We can do Wednesday afternoons if you like. I’m also pretty free on Fridays.” He cocked his head to the side and looked as though he was scrutinizing Arthur. “I know most people like to go home early and party or whatever but it’s probably the best time for me. It’s quiet in here and we could go to the library or meet at the campus coffee shop.”

 

Arthur felt warmth blossom in his stomach. He didn’t understand how Merlin could go from a fierce debate to casually tossing insults and asking Arthur to coffee. Well, he hadn’t technically invited Arthur for coffee but he’d at least suggested they not sit in Merlin’s office for an hour once a week to discuss existentialism.

 

“So, which day?” Merlin asked interrupting Arthur’s thoughts. He offered Arthur a genuine smile, tapping the desk next to him to get his attention. “Honestly, I might suggest twice weekly meetings to help you get up to speed but if that’s too much, I understand.”

 

“I think I can do that,” Arthur said slowly, reaching into his rucksack and pulling out his agenda. Unlike Merlin’s, Arthur’s was full of notes and post-its, hastily scribbled appointment reminders. “I’m free after noon and until four on Wednesdays,” he said, paging through his calendar. “I’ve got business soc meetings in the evenings and those usually run long. We have a guest lecturer to set up for next week so I need to get there early.”

 

Merlin nodded. “That’s fine. I’m in here after lunch. Why don’t you come at one and you can leave when you need to.” He looked at the empty desk near his. “Cedric is hardly ever here but if he shows up, we can probably get him to give us the time anyway.”

 

Arthur vaguely remembered Gwen and Lance mentioning Cedric but he didn’t repeat anything they’d said. Merlin appeared to have disappeared behind his professional mask and was no longer talking to Arthur as though he were a friend. He wondered if he would be able to get Merlin to loosen up enough to smile again. He rather liked it when Merlin smiled and wouldn’t mind being the one to put a smile there.

 

Shaking his head, Arthur started to page roughly through his agenda. He wasn’t supposed to have those kinds of thoughts about his instructor. The problem was, he knew, that if he’d met Merlin outside of the classroom, he would have asked for his number and been much more charming. He wouldn’t have insulted Merlin’s discipline or turned into a brat over a poor grade. He sighed and looked over his Friday schedule. Maybe he should let Morgana set him up with that grad student she knew; it would at least give him something to think about that wasn’t Merlin. Gwaine teased him that it had been too long since he’d dated anyone seriously and it was true. It had been a long time since Arthur had gone out with someone he liked for more than a few dates; he really didn’t have the time.

 

“I can do Fridays any time after eleven,” Arthur said after a moment. “Should I come then?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “No, I probably won’t be in my office until one or two. I’m usually pestering the librarians or trying to sleep in on Friday mornings.” He grinned at Arthur, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. “I really hate mornings, to be honest. I’d rather meet with you in the evenings over a pint but that would cause some problems, I think.”

 

Arthur shrugged. “Sounds like more fun than sitting in here and pretending to watch sheep graze.”

 

“It’s a joke.” Merlin snorted and looked at his drawing of the window. “It’s supposed to be Wales.”

 

Arthur cocked an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a bit stereotypical?”

 

“I’m Welsh,” Merlin replied, snickering. “I guess that just means I’m perpetuating the stereotype, which doesn’t really help anyone, but I’m from a pretty small town and there were sheep all over the place.”

 

“You’re not bad,” Arthur commented, examining the drawing once again. “Definitely brightens the place up.”

 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Merlin teased. He looked back at the whiteboard and laughed. “Maybe I should change it; I try to do something different every week.”

 

“Why a window?” Arthur asked.

 

“It’s better than white walls,” Merlin said dismissively, making Arthur wonder if there wasn’t something more behind Merlin’s whiteboard drawing. “Now, did we pick a time on Friday? I forgot and probably ought to write it down.”

 

“How about three?” Arthur suggested. “I don’t have anything on Friday evenings except dinner with my sister or flatmates every once and a while and I doubt you’re going to keep me here that long.”

 

“Heaven forbid,” Merlin joked, holding his hands up in defeat. “All right, so I’ll see you on Friday. There isn’t much we can discuss now unless you’ve done the readings.” When Arthur shook his head, Merlin grinned. “I thought not. Anyway, why don’t you borrow…” He got up and went over to his chaotic bookshelf, moving stacks of books around and making incoherent noises of annoyance. “Don’t tell me I left it at home,” Merlin sighed.

 

“What are you looking for?” Arthur asked, standing up to help Merlin look.

 

“Aha!” Merlin said, beaming triumphantly and holding out a small, thick book to Arthur. _Sophie’s World_ was stamped across the top and Arthur stared down at the statue of what he assumed to be an ancient Greek philosopher. “Read that, it’ll help. Most intro students have to buy it. I have a copy back at my flat, I think, so don’t worry about getting it back to me anytime soon.”

 

Arthur nodded slowly. “It’s not on the course reading list?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “I have a feeling that we can’t start with the course reading list. You’re not going to understand it on its own. You need some background information as well, so that’s what we’re going to do. Read that, meet with me on Friday, and we’ll go from there.”

 

“I can’t read this whole thing by Friday!” Arthur protested. “I’ve got business soc tonight, class tomorrow, a marketing workshop, a meeting with one of my professors, and a few other engagements that aren’t reading,” he checked the back of the book for the synopsis, “about a fourteen year old girl and mysterious letters.”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Read what you can, then. I didn’t expect you to read the whole book in one go anyway.” He sighed. “I’ll see you on Friday, Arthur.”

 

Arthur blanched at the casual dismissal and tucked the book in his rucksack. “Yeah, thanks, Merlin. I’ll see you.”

 

Merlin watched Arthur leave and turned back to his computer. He really wanted to dislike this arrogant boy, turn him away and drop him from the class like he’d mentioned, but he couldn’t. Arthur didn’t seem a bad sort. He seemed as though he genuinely wanted to do well, but Merlin knew it was going to be a lot of work to get Arthur up to speed in order to perform well in an existential philosophy course of all things.

 

“Ugh,” he said, disgusted with himself. “Why can’t I ever just say no?”

 

*~*~*

 

Friday came quickly for Merlin and, by the time Arthur showed up for their meeting, he found that he was actually slightly nervous. He wondered if he’d been too rash in setting up two meetings a week and devoting more time than he truly had to only one of his students. True, none of his other students had asked for appointments or meetings but he worried that if they did, he might not have time and that wasn’t fair. The rest of the students in his seminar were advanced philosophy students and Merlin pondered who had the greater need for his time. Gwen had told him that if he was this torn up over one student, he needed to distance himself. Of course, Gwen hadn’t ever met Arthur and couldn’t possibly understand Merlin’s desire to spend time with the younger man.

 

“You can’t date your students, Merlin,” he muttered to himself. “Grow up.”

 

“Are you talking to yourself?” Arthur asked, pushing the door open to Merlin’s office without bothering to knock.

 

“No,” Merlin lied. “What gave you that idea?”

 

“No idea, it must have been my imagination,” Arthur teased, settling himself in the chair by Merlin’s desk without waiting for an invitation.

 

“All right?” Merlin asked, raising an eyebrow at Arthur who just grinned back.

 

“Yeah,” Arthur answered. “Hey, I wanted to apologise for what I said the other day. I don’t think philosophy is an obtuse, worthless discipline.”

 

Merlin frowned. “I don’t think you told me it was. Were you thinking it? Because I have many talents but mindreading is not one of them.”

 

Arthur snorted. “No, I guess not.” He shook his head. “I just thought you should know, I didn’t mean to offend you on Wednesday.”

 

Merlin stared at Arthur in disbelief before he started to laugh. “You’re shite at apologies.”

 

“Most people think I’m charming,” Arthur argued.

 

“What people?” Merlin asked, still laughing. “Anyway, what did you think of the book?”

 

“I’ve only read the first three chapters,” Arthur admitted.

 

“Well, you’ve gotten a few of the questions, then,” Merlin pointed out. “What did you think of them? ‘Who are you?’”

 

Arthur sighed. “Is this really going to help me in your class? To be honest, Merlin, I just need to raise my average to be on track for a First.”

 

“Who are you?” Merlin repeated, trying not to let Arthur see how much his comment had hurt. He’d thought Arthur was actually interested, despite his comments on Wednesday and his constipated attempt at an apology.

 

“Fine,” Arthur grumbled, feeling guilty at the crestfallen look on Merlin’s face. “If you think this is going to help, I’ll go with it.” Merlin’s answering smile was enough to reassure Arthur that perhaps some extra philosophy lessons might reward him with more than just top marks.

 

*~*~*

 

The next two weeks passed quickly for Arthur. He was outrageously busy with all of his requirements from the business college, tutorials, and trying to get his coursework completed. He made it to every meeting with Merlin, finding himself enjoying their discussions and debates now that he had a bit of a stronger, albeit still shaky, grasp of ancient philosophy. Merlin had let him borrow other books, guiding him through the topics with a patience and excitement that surprised Arthur. Despite teaching a course on existentialism, Merlin made Arthur focus on the Greeks. He wanted Arthur to read Plato and Aristotle, to understand why Socrates had taken hemlock and why, while Merlin loved Plato, disliked the idea of the Philosopher King and joked about the World of Forms.

 

“It’s too idealistic,” Merlin had said dismissively, waving his hands as though batting the idea away. “Let’s focus on _Apology_ , what did you think of that? It’s one of my favourites.”

 

“Socrates was an idiot,” Arthur said bluntly, restraining the grin that was threatening to spread across his face at Merlin’s scandalised look. He didn’t actually believe his words; he just enjoyed getting a rise out of Merlin when he could.

 

“An idiot? Because he didn’t want to defy the laws of Athens?” Merlin cried. “What would you have done? Would you have fled like a guilty man, tail tucked between your legs because the people--”

 

“He taunted them,” Arthur interrupted. “He pointed out their flaws, made them look at themselves for who they truly were. No one likes that, no one wants to hear wisdom come out of the mouth of a madman. Easier to kill him, he’s no longer a threat that way. It’s better to have legends; legends don’t have to be confronted and can be twisted to suit your needs.”

 

Merlin sat back, regarding Arthur thoughtfully. “It wasn’t condemning Socrates to death that immortalised him, you know. I think you may have missed the point.”

 

“We can’t always say what’s on our minds,” Arthur argued. “Always telling the truth doesn’t win your battles.”

 

“You’d rather be underhanded?” Merlin asked sceptically.

 

Arthur snorted. “I didn’t say that.”

 

Merlin frowned and said nothing for a long while before finally asking Arthur if he’d completed the Jaspers readings.

 

*~*~*

 

“Are we going to eat lunch together?” Gwen asked, cornering Merlin in the graduate student lounge while he made himself a cup of coffee on the ancient coffee maker.

 

“I didn’t bring anything,” Merlin replied, smothering a yawn. “I might have some almonds in my desk I can snack on and you could always share your biscuits.”

 

Gwen shook her head in amusement. “Why don’t we walk to your flat so that you can eat whatever you cooked over the weekend while I play with Heide?”

 

Merlin glanced at the time flashing on the old coffee maker and sighed. “I can’t, I have a meeting with a student in half an hour and he’s almost always on time.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Gwen smiled. “How about you come get me when you two are done? You look like you need a break and I wouldn’t mind knocking off a bit early.”

 

“That sounds like a good plan,” Merlin replied, offering Gwen a tired smile.

 

“Are you sleeping?” Gwen asked, suddenly concerned. “I know Drake and Nimueh are pulling you in all directions and that your class is really demanding but you need to take care of yourself.”

 

“Don’t worry about me, Gwen,” Merlin said, grabbing one of the old, chipped mugs that were available for anyone to use. “I’m doing fine.” He started mixing his coffee and glanced at Gwen out of the corner of his eye, noticing that she was still eyeing him with concern. “What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s just...I miss having lunch with you and going out on the weekends,” Gwen said gently. “Lance, Morgana, Leon and I all went to dinner on Saturday.”

 

“I didn’t see Lance’s text until Sunday,” Merlin admitted. “I was in the library until after midnight and spent most of Sunday working on Tuesday’s lecture.”

 

“Don’t neglect your friends,” Gwen advised, a hint of hurt slipping into her voice. “We miss you.”

 

Merlin wanted to argue that Lance, Leon and Morgana weren’t really Merlin’s friends; they were Gwen’s friends who tolerated Merlin’s presence. Perhaps that was an unfair assessment: Merlin had gotten drinks with Lance a few times when Gwen was in Devon visiting her father, but he’d never spent time alone with Morgana and Leon was relatively new to the picture. He was a friend of Morgana’s family who had recently been transferred from the London office of whatever company he worked at and joined the rugby team with Lance. Gwen hinted that Morgana and Leon had the potential for more but Merlin had yet to see anything that could be constituted as flirting.

 

“Don’t worry,” Merlin said, hugging Gwen awkwardly while still holding his full cup of coffee. “We’ll do something this weekend.”

 

“You need to go on a date,” Gwen said, raising her eyebrow at Merlin, all trace of sadness gone now that she was able to tease him.

 

Merlin snorted. “I don’t have time! How do you expect me to meet anyone when I spend most of my time here either teaching or working on my dissertation, lurking in the philosophy stacks of the library, or meeting with my committee? Honestly, Gwen, I barely have time for Heide let alone a person!” Gwen giggled and Merlin shook his head. “I’m serious; I think Heide might actually be pining. I spend more time trying to beat philosophy into my student than with anyone else. How pathetic is that? I don’t even _like_ him.”

 

Gwen snickered. “Then stop meeting with him!”

 

“I can’t,” Merlin sighed, taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s more complicated than that.”

 

“So you do like him,” Gwen said, a small smile on her face. “That’s a start at least.”

 

“I can’t date a student,” Merlin warned severely. “That’s completely unethical.”

 

“No, I agree,” Gwen replied, nodding once in confirmation. “It doesn’t mean you can’t like spending time with him, though. Besides, there’s only another three months left of term, who knows what’ll happen.”

 

Merlin glared at her. “Nothing, that’s what’ll happen.” He glanced at the time again. “I’ll come find you when my meeting is over. I made him read _The Plague_.”

 

“Oooh,” Gwen teased. “Is he helping you with your dissertation, too?”

 

“Oh, stop it,” Merlin said, smiling this time. “He needs more training before I’d ever trust his opinion. He’s sort of a self-centred clot who thinks Socrates was an idiot.”

 

“You’ve thought about dating him, haven’t you?”

 

“Gwen!” Merlin protested, heat rising to his cheeks.

 

Gwen laughed outright at Merlin’s blush. “Go on, I’ll see you later. Drink your coffee before you subject your student to your bitterness, you silly man.”

 

Merlin grinned and walked back towards his office, waving at Gwen over his shoulder.

 

*~*~*

 

Arthur was early for his meeting with Merlin and decided to pop his head into Gwen’s office before confronting Merlin about his slow descent into nihilism and how it was Merlin’s fault.

 

“Arthur!” Gwen cried, surprised and delighted to see her flatmate’s brother and boyfriend’s close friend. “What are you doing here? Would you like to have lunch with me? I’m about to get mine out of the fridge, actually, and I have a few extra biscuits.”

 

“No, I’m fine,” Arthur said, pleased at Gwen’s offer. He didn’t see her very often but he liked her quite a lot. “I just wanted to pop in and say thanks for telling me to talk to Merlin a few weeks ago, it really helped.”

 

“Lance mentioned you were doing better in the class now,” Gwen replied. “Are you enjoying it?”

 

“I don’t know,” he answered, shrugging. “I don’t think it’s my thing but I like Merlin. I’m about to go see him, actually.”

 

Gwen frowned. “Really? I think he’s got an appointment scheduled with a student.” She paused. “Oh! It’s with you. I wonder why he…huh, well, I’m glad you two are getting on.”

 

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, it’s good.” He cast a look down the corridor towards Merlin’s office. “Listen, I was wondering, how well do you know him?”

 

“We’ve been in the programme together for almost four years now.” Gwen smiled.

 

Arthur nodded; Gwen’s response told him nothing. “Is he always here? I mean, we always meet in his office and it’s like being in a dungeon.”

 

“Yeah, we don’t have any windows unless you count Merlin’s weird drawings. I think he’s working on some kind of battle scene right now, it’s really strange,” Gwen answered, laughing. She leaned back in her chair, regarding Arthur for a moment before saying quietly, “Why don’t you get him to meet you at one of the coffee shops next time you two meet up?”

 

“Can he do that?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Invite him as just Merlin,” Gwen said simply. “He’s asking you to study philosophy with him, Arthur. He never lets people into that world.”

 

Arthur frowned, not quite sure what Gwen was suggesting but feeling pleased all the same. “I’ll ask him. He mentioned something about meeting at a coffee shop or the library once.”

 

Gwen nodded. “Good. He needs to get out of here.” She sighed and looked at Arthur fondly. “Did Morgana mention Sunday dinner to you? I know she said she was going to but she’s been so busy with her promotion and everything.”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur confirmed. “I’ll be there. Our father wants me to get her something nice.” He rolled his eyes. “He told me to pick her out a new dress but I think she might want to do that on her own. I don’t think she’s quite forgiven me for the last thing I got her.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, Arthur, I think every girl wants a personalised letter opener.” Gwen giggled. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Bring banoffee pie and she won’t care if you give her sellotape.”

 

Arthur laughed. “All right, well, I better go.”

 

“See you Sunday,” Gwen said, smiling fondly. “Don’t forget to drag Merlin out of this dungeon, as you said.”

 

Arthur flashed Gwen a grin and strolled down the hall towards Merlin’s office.

 

*~*~*

 

“This was a terrible idea,” Arthur grumbled, teeth chattering as he and Merlin walked into one of the smaller coffeehouses near the university that Friday.

 

Merlin chuckled and unwrapped his horrible red scarf from around his neck. “You can only blame yourself. You’re the one who told me you didn’t want to meet in my office anymore because it felt more like a torture chamber than a welcoming learning environment.”

 

Arthur snorted. “You’ve got stacks of papers everywhere with empty packets of crisps mixed in. It’s no wonder your officemate is never around.”

 

“What are you having?” Merlin asked, not bothering to dignify Arthur’s comment with a response. He nodded to something behind Arthur. “Why don’t you take that table by the window and I’ll get something warm so you’ll quit your whinging.”

 

“I don’t whinge, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur protested, glancing up at the menu. “Let me get your drink, I’m the one who invited you.”

 

Merlin shook his head with a smile. “Can’t have people thinking you’re buying your grade with coffee.” He shrugged. “I don’t mind getting it. I have one of those frequent patron cards.”

 

Arthur wanted to protest that his offering to pay for Merlin’s coffee didn’t have to be some sort of big ethical dilemma but Merlin was looking at him expectantly, so he said, “Just a regular coffee, with cream and sugar.”

 

Merlin nodded and went to place their orders, reminding Arthur to grab the table before someone else did.

 

Arthur sat down and leaned back in the chair, watching people walk by. Despite the snow and cold wind, it was one of those rare, clear, wintry spring days and Arthur was glad that they weren’t in Merlin’s office arguing about the latest weekly reading. Merlin had moved him on to the Stoics and he wasn’t sure what to make of Seneca.

 

“Here you go,” Merlin said, passing Arthur his coffee and sitting down opposite him. “What do you want to talk about today?” He bent down to rummage in his bag, tossing a few books with titles such as _H+/-: Transhumanism and Its Critics_ and _Epidemiology and the People's Health: Theory and Context_.

 

“Not that,” Arthur said pointedly, eyeing the books Merlin had pulled out with suspicion.

 

Merlin laughed and pulled his books closer. “Don’t worry; you’re not ready for this yet.”

 

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or relieved,” Arthur joked, thinking that Merlin’s laugh and answering smile might have made up for not being allowed to buy him coffee.

 

“Relieved,” Merlin confirmed, shaking his head over the two books before continuing to rummage. “I really need to stop carrying so much…ah, here it is.”

 

Arthur leaned over and saw that Merlin had pulled out Arthur’s most recent essay. He felt something drop in his stomach, wondering if he’d done as poorly as he had on the first.

 

“Stop looking like I’ve sentenced you to death,” Merlin teased, pushing the essay across the table for Arthur to look at. “You’re improving.”

 

“Thanks,” Arthur replied, picking up his paper and flipping through. It was still covered in red marks like his previous one had been but the grade on the last page – 78 – was much better. However, Arthur couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment. He’d worked much harder on this essay, hoping to prove to Merlin that he wasn’t the idiot his classmates seemed to think he was. “I need to do better than this.”

 

Merlin shrugged. “You’ll get there.” He pulled the essay back towards him. “Shall we go over some of it? You’re still not understanding Husserl and when we get to Sartre, you’re going to want that background to be strong.”

 

Arthur sighed but he nodded, tucking away for later the sight of the pleased and easy smile Merlin offered when he scooted his chair closer. Preferably for when he was in his bed and could focus on his more lecherous thoughts about Merlin’s mouth.

 

They’d been at the coffeehouse for nearly two hours when Merlin got up to get himself a muffin, claiming that if they were going to argue more about phenomenology then he was going to need something to ensure higher brain function. Arthur waved off Merlin’s offer to buy him something and was paging through the tiny volume titled _Existentialism: A Very Short Introduction_ that Merlin had given him to look over before Tuesday’s class.

 

“Arthur,” a familiar voice said, making Arthur close the book on the drawing of Kierkegaard and look up with a grin at Lance.

 

“What’re you doing here?” Arthur asked. “I thought you had rotations at the hospital.”

 

“I did,” Lance answered, taking Merlin’s empty chair. “We finished early. It was the psych ward today and one of the patients attacked our instructor with a chair so we all got rushed out.” He shook his head. “I’m definitely looking forward to my next placement.”

 

“Don’t blame you,” Arthur said. “Have you seen Gwaine? He skipped our tutorial this morning but he mentioned something about the pub last night.”

 

Lance nodded. “Yeah, I think he wants to do the pub quiz at Maloney’s.”

 

“It’s rigged in favour of Australians,” Arthur complained. “They asked a question about Rolf Harris last time!”

 

“It’s a laugh,” Lance replied, grinning at the unimpressed look on Arthur’s face. “We should go. I’ll see if I can convince Gwen to come, she’s usually quite good at trivia.”

 

“All right.” Arthur looked back at the line and saw Merlin was collecting his food from the barista. “Well, I’m supposed to be studying so why don’t I meet you back at the flat?”

 

“Right,” Lance said, getting to his feet. “I was going to surprise Gwen with a cappuccino.” He looked around and seemed to notice for the first time that he’d taken someone else’s seat. “Are you on a study date?”

 

“No,” Arthur began, “I’m…”

 

“Lance?” Merlin asked, walking back towards the table with a confused but happy smile. “Do you know Arthur?”

 

“Merlin?” Lance asked, raising his eyebrows at Arthur. “I didn’t realise you two were here together. Arthur mentioned he was in your class but I didn’t know you did anything outside.”

 

 Arthur wanted to tell his flatmate to shut up, that he was interpreting the situation for something it wasn’t, but the slight flush colouring Merlin’s cheeks made Arthur stop and wonder if perhaps Merlin didn’t want it to be something more.

 

“We’re just going over his essay,” Merlin said quietly. “Are you off to see Gwen?”

 

Lance nodded. “Yeah, I think she probably needs caffeine.” He looked over at the barista. “I better order. See you later.”

 

Merlin nodded and watched Lance go with a confused frown. He turned back to Arthur and sat down. “How do you know Lance?”

 

“He’s my flatmate,” Arthur answered, shrugging. “We play rugby together and so when one of my other flatmates moved out, Lance took the spare room.”

 

“Do you know Gwen very well?” Merlin asked. “They’ve been together for almost a year and I think they met at one of Lance’s rugby matches. You’ve probably met her.”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur said, grinning at the memory. “My sister is Gwen’s flatmate and she dragged her off to watch.”

 

“You’re Morgana’s brother,” Merlin gasped, horrified. “I had no idea.” He looked over at where Lance was placing his order. “Now I understand…” He shook his head and said crisply, “Well, I think we’ve probably covered enough for today, yeah?”

 

Arthur stared as Merlin swept his things together and deposited them back in his rucksack. “You haven’t finished your muffin,” he pointed out.

 

“It’ll keep,” Merlin said, putting it in the front pocket of his bag. “I’ll see you Tuesday? Make sure you look through that book.” His expression softened at the obvious confusion and annoyance on Arthur’s face. “I’m sorry, I just need to go home and work on my dissertation. I don’t think I realised how long we’d been here until Lance stopped in.”

 

“Let’s meet here again on Wednesday,” Arthur suggested. He thought he preferred this coffeehouse studying to the cramped, stuffy office. Merlin had seemed so much more animated and relaxed and Arthur found that he could get used to spending time with Merlin in a less formal setting.

 

“I don’t know,” Merlin said uneasily. “I think it might actually be better if we stay at the university.” He grinned lopsidedly as though reading Arthur’s thoughts. “If you don’t want to be in my office, I don’t blame you. I could book us a library study room.”

 

Arthur shrugged. “I guess.”

 

“I better go.” Merlin smiled sadly at Arthur. “Enjoy your weekend.”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur muttered, watching Merlin go and trying to understand what had just happened.

 

*~*~*

 

“No, Gwen,” Merlin sighed into the phone. “I don’t think I should go to Sunday dinner, I’ll get everyone sick.”

 

“Morgana’s your friend too, Merlin,” Gwen argued, clearly hurt by Merlin’s refusal. “She told me to ask you to come tomorrow.”

 

Merlin sneezed. “I know, I’m happy for her and I’d like to be there but I think I’d better stay at my flat.”

 

“Do you need anything?” Gwen asked, concern creeping in to cover the hurt. “I could bring you by some soup.”

 

“I think it’s just a cold,” Merlin answered, sniffling and going to rummage for a box of tissues.

 

“Poor dear,” Gwen soothed. “You’ll let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

 

Merlin had a sneezing fit, covering his mouth with a tissue when Heide startled on the bed, clearly wondering why Merlin was making such horrible noises. “You need to focus on cooking your fancy Sunday dinner.”

 

Gwen clucked over the phone. “Your health is more important.”

 

“It’s just a cold,” Merlin argued, smiling to himself. He and Gwen had been flatmates the first two years of the PhD programme and he had vivid memories of her curling up next to him on the couch and petting his hair when he’d been ill with the flu. He missed living with her but his studio flat was cheaper than their shared flat had been and Morgana had become one of Gwen’s closest friends.

 

“I still expect you to ring me if anything changes,” Gwen warned. “And don’t start teasing and calling me ‘Mum’, your mum is in Wales and she worries about you.”

 

“Oh, God,” Merlin moaned, turning his face from the receiver on his mobile and blowing his nose. “Don’t start on me about ringing my mum. Gaius does that and he’s on sabbatical in _Paris_.”

 

“You don’t visit her enough,” Gwen said severely but Merlin knew she was only kidding. “Take care of yourself and I’ll let Morgana know you can’t make it. If anything, I’ll send Lance round with some leftovers for you.”

 

The mention of Lance made Merlin remember their encounter in the coffeehouse the previous day. “Did Lance tell you about seeing me yesterday?”

 

“Yeah,” Gwen admitted and Merlin thought she sounded sheepish. “I think he thought you and Arthur were on a date.”

 

“I figured,” Merlin muttered. “He seemed excited.”

 

“Don’t worry, I told him you were just giving him some extra help and nothing was going on,” Gwen said. “Even if you do like him.”

 

“He’s my student,” Merlin said seriously. He sneezed once before adding, “I couldn’t do anything even if I wanted to.”

 

“Which you do,” Gwen pointed out, clearly enjoying herself.

 

“It’s unethical,” Merlin snapped, and then sighed, “I wish you’d told me.”

 

“Honestly, Merlin, I thought you knew. I thought Arthur would have said something.” Gwen sounded concerned. “Are you angry with me?”

 

“No, of course not,” Merlin assured her, smothering another sneeze. “I just would have liked a little warning that my student was Morgana’s brother that you were trying to set me up with.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Gwen said, giggling.

 

“It’s fine,” Merlin told her. “I know now.”

 

“For what it’s worth, I think Arthur likes you and from what Lance says, he has no idea you’re who we wanted him to meet.”

 

Merlin huffed a laugh. “It doesn’t matter.” He yawned. “I’m going to try and take a nap. I’ll see you on Monday and we can take Heide for a walk during lunch.”

 

“Take care of yourself,” Gwen said seriously.

 

“I will,” Merlin replied. “Bye.”

 

*~*~*

 

Arthur found that he enjoyed Sunday dinner with Gwen, Lance, Leon and Morgana far more than Sunday dinner with his father. Morgana always made things more bearable for him during dinner with Uther but being around friends reminded him that mealtimes were supposed to be enjoyable. He was chatting to Leon about rugby when Morgana’s offhanded comment about Merlin’s health caught his attention.

 

“I’m going to bring him some of the leftovers for lunch tomorrow,” Gwen was saying. “He sounded worse when I rang him this morning.”

 

“That’s too bad,” Morgana replied. “I was hoping to finally get him in a room with Arthur. If they didn’t kill…oh no, what?”

 

Arthur saw that Gwen was shaking her head, her lips moving but Arthur couldn’t catch the words.

 

“There’s a pick-up football match Monday evenings in the park over on the west side of town,” Leon said, interrupting Arthur’s eavesdropping. “It’s mainly people from my office but there are a few uni students, too, if you’re interested.”

 

“I’ll give it a go,” Arthur replied, mentally going through his schedule. “I can probably make it.”

 

“Arthur!” Morgana called, making her way towards her brother as Gwen went to help Lance in the kitchen, eyes gleaming. “I hear you’ve met Merlin on your own.”

 

Leon frowned his confusion at the change in conversation.

 

Catching Leon’s look, Arthur scowled at Morgana. “Merlin’s my philosophy instructor,” Arthur told Leon. “Apparently he’s a friend of Morgana’s.”

 

“He’s perfect for my brother,” Morgana continued, apparently oblivious to Arthur’s discomfort and Leon’s relief at hearing Morgana wanted Merlin for her brother. She grinned wolfishly at Arthur, making him rethink the whole oblivious thing. “He’d deflate your ego.”

 

“Thanks,” Arthur said dryly. “That’s just what I’m looking for.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyway, he practically ran out on me during coffee the other day when he realised you’re my sister and Lance is my flatmate. I wouldn’t exactly call that a sign that we’re destined or whatever rubbish.”

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow disdainfully, letting Arthur know exactly what she thought of his protests. “He got coffee with you, he likes you.”

 

“Or he takes his job as a TA seriously,” Arthur grumbled.

 

“Are we talking about Merlin?” Gwen asked, coming back from the kitchen. “I think he really does like you, Arthur. He just...” she bit her lip, “he won’t do anything about it.”

 

“Merlin and his ethics,” Morgana teased, grinning at Gwen and making Arthur wonder just how much they talked about him and Merlin behind his back.

 

“He’d get into trouble with the university,” Gwen replied, frowning. She smiled sympathetically at Arthur. “That doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with him, of course!”

 

“Can we not talk about this?” Arthur demanded. “I don’t see how it’s anyone’s business.”

 

“I approve of Merlin,” Morgana said, ignoring Arthur’s complaints. “He’s so much smarter than anyone you’ve dated in the past and he’s rather cute.”

 

“Morgana, stop!” Arthur snapped, glowering at his sister.

 

“I’m going to go help Lance,” Leon said uncomfortably, quietly excusing himself from what appeared to become an even more personal and rather embarrassing situation. 

 

“Do you remember Valiant?” Morgana asked, raising her eyebrows meaningfully at Arthur.

 

Arthur stared at her. “Why are we doing this right now?”

 

“The university code doesn’t allow for it,” Gwen broke in. “Besides, Merlin’s always complaining about not having time for himself, he won’t want to start dating someone new.”

 

“I know.” Morgana sighed but gave Arthur a look that said they’d finish this later.

 

When Arthur was getting ready to leave that evening, Morgana pulled him aside.

 

“We’re not talking about Merlin,” Arthur said flatly.

 

“Arthur,” Morgana warned, taking on her ‘Not only am I your sister but I am a lawyer and you will listen to me’ voice that didn’t impress Arthur in the slightest.

 

“Fine,” Arthur groaned, “walk me out though; I don’t want Gwen listening in.”

 

Morgana grinned and passed him his coat before bundling him out the door. “Look, I know what Gwen said but you should still try. I know you want to, don’t deny it. Your face when I mentioned Merlin was sick was enough to let me know that you like him.”

 

“I do,” Arthur ground out, “but it hardly matters. He ran off when he realised...oh hell, Morgana, he’s the graduate student you wanted me to meet.” He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, everything clicking into place. “This is embarrassing.”

 

Morgana snorted. “Now that you both know, and like each other, there’s nothing stopping you!” She waved her hand flippantly. “Yes, yes there’s that whole ethical thing of Merlin dating one of his students but getting coffee and coming over to my flat for dinner hardly constitutes dating. You can get to know each other.”

 

Arthur thought his sister looked so delighted with her scheme that he was almost willing to try it. He did like Merlin and he wanted to spend time with him in a setting that wasn’t the university. Sighing, he remembered Merlin’s comment about not getting coffee again. “I don’t think he’ll go for it.”

 

“Don’t tell him,” Morgana said pleasantly. “There’s nothing wrong with being mates. You graduate in less than three months; once you have your degree, it won’t matter that he was your instructor.”

 

“We don’t know if he’s interested,” Arthur pointed out. “You and Gwen are making assumptions.”

 

“We’re right,” she said, shrugging.

 

He shivered; the temperature was dropping as it got later in the evening. “Go back inside, you’re going to freeze.”

 

“Deflecting,” Morgana commented, amused. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll ring you. Now go home and brush up on your moral philosophy.”

 

Arthur rolled his eyes and turned away, the sound of Morgana’s laughter following him down the street.

 

*~*~*

 

Their next few meetings left Arthur feeling as though Merlin was trying to push him away. He wasn’t as friendly as he’d been those first few weeks, making Arthur wonder if Merlin was trying to put up a barrier between them that established a purely instructor-student relationship or if he was trying to let Arthur know he wasn’t interested. Arthur stubbornly invited Merlin for coffee and even lunch one time in order to try and get him out of the ‘dungeon’. When Merlin refused Arthur a fourth time, Arthur called him on it after class.

 

“Arthur,” Merlin said, surprised when he realised that Arthur was still in the classroom after everyone else had filed out.

 

Arthur picked up one Merlin’s copy of _The Myth of Sisyphus_ , turning it over in his hands. “You’re avoiding me.”

 

Merlin frowned. “I meet with you twice a week outside of class; I’d hardly call that avoidance.”

 

 “You’re supposed to talk with me when I need help.” Arthur crossed his arms, the slim volume still in his hand.

 

“Am I not?” Merlin asked, looking concerned. “Your last paper was much better; I thought that was what you wanted.”

 

“You’re not lending me books anymore,” Arthur argued. After the coffee shop, Merlin had stopped giving Arthur additional readings or books to discuss. He’d brought this up with Morgana when she’d phoned to ask if he’d taken Merlin out yet and she had only chuckled, telling him he needed to try harder. If he thought back to what Gwen had said about Merlin’s letting him in to his world of philosophy, then it was Merlin’s decision to no longer loan him books that made it clear he wanted nothing from Arthur except a good student. It was frustrating, when he thought about it, for Merlin to shut him out after weeks of intense discussions, debates, and laughter over philosophy and life as a whole.

 

“It’s almost half term,” Merlin replied, plucking his book out of Arthur’s hand and smirking when Arthur startled. “I thought you didn’t want extra philosophy study, anyway. Didn’t you tell me that you’re going to do something important and worthwhile with your life and that this was just to boost your average?”

 

Arthur hated having his words thrown back at him and he knew there wasn’t an argument he could make that wouldn’t betray how much he was interested in Merlin for more than just their outside discussion and tutoring sessions.

 

“That’s what I thought,” Merlin said, giving Arthur the same sad smile he’d given him at the coffee shop, one that made Arthur feel as though Merlin was stepping even farther out of reach. “I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll talk more about Camus.”

 

“Come have tea with me now,” Arthur suggested, blocking Merlin’s retreat from the classroom. “You already had me read _The Plague_ and I’ve been reading ahead. We could discuss the absurd.”

 

Merlin’s shock and interest was obvious but he shook his head regretfully. “No, I think our two standing meetings are enough.” He sighed and added something that sounded like, “It’s not appropriate.”

 

“Don’t be such a _girl_ ,” Arthur taunted, grabbing Merlin by the elbow and directing him out of the room. “I’ll buy this time, I owe you.”

 

“Arthur,” Merlin said, pulling away and looking at his student with something like resignation. “I really can’t. I’m already falling behind on my own work. Maybe we...no, I can’t. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Arthur sighed and watched Merlin go, pondering how he was supposed to convince Merlin that they could even be mates if he was so intent on running away. A small voice in the back of his head told him to let it go, that he would have his degree in June and would start work with the local branch of his father’s business where he’d interned during the summer. His father was always reminding him that business came before pleasure. Maybe he should give up this idea of Morgana’s and just focus on his degree. There would be plenty of other opportunities to date later.

 

He shook his head and turned in the other direction thinking that while it was all well and good to tell himself these things, the fact was he liked Merlin and didn’t want to give up. Maybe Gwen would be able to offer him some advice that wouldn’t make him seem so forward.

 

*~*~*

 

“I need Arthur to stop coming by so often,” Merlin informed Gwen during lunch on Thursday. “He cornered me after class on Tuesday and found me this morning when I was in the library. Not to mention we met yesterday to talk about Camus.”

 

“Is it so bad that your student is interested in the class?” Gwen asked innocently, not bothering to look up from her chicken sandwich to see the glare Merlin directed at her.

 

“It’s more than that,” Merlin said, eyeing his curry with concern. “Smell this, do you think it’s off?”

 

Gwen laughed and made no move towards Merlin’s curry. “No, thank you.”

 

Merlin stirred his lunch a few times. “I forgot about it and left it in the back of the fridge last week.” He looked around the graduate student lounge a moment before getting up and surveying the contents of the vending machine. “They have Lion bars. Do you want one?”

 

Gwen shook her head when Merlin returned with a packet of salt and vinegar crisps. “You’re going to get scurvy.”

 

He grinned at her. “Mum sent me a bottle of vitamins.”

 

“Oh, Merlin,” Gwen said fondly, pushing her little bag of carrot sticks towards him. “At least eat something healthy.”

 

He smiled and took the carrots. “What would I do without you?”

 

“Starve,” she teased. “About Arthur, Merlin, he’s...”

 

“My student,” Merlin interjected.

 

“You like him,” Gwen argued. “You don’t have to do anything now and all right, I’ve never actually seen you two together but I think he’d be good for you.”

 

 Merlin sighed, clearly torn. “It’s unethical.”

 

“So wait until he finishes, it’s already April.” Gwen half-smiled at him. “You don’t have to try and push him out of your life. Honestly, he’ll probably become part of it if you ever start coming out with Morgana and me. He’s come out for dinner and drinks the last few weeks. I actually think he’s been coming in the hopes that you’d join us.”

 

“He’s too young,” Merlin argued, trying to find a different tactic since Gwen wasn’t siding with him on the ethics anymore.

 

Gwen shrugged. “Lance is a year younger than me.”

 

“Not the same,” Merlin replied, “and Arthur is more than four years younger. That’s a pretty big difference when you’re twenty-two.”

 

“You don’t have to marry him!” Gwen said, finally exasperated.

 

Merlin flushed. “I know that!”

 

“Then what is it, Merlin?” Gwen asked curiously, examining Merlin as though he were a complicated text.

 

“He’s my student,” Merlin repeated. “I don’t have time for anything else outside of school. He’s demanding and spoilt and a _prat_!”

 

“I like Arthur,” Gwen said. “He might be a little arrogant sometimes, but I still think you’re not doing yourself any favours by pushing him away. You can be his mate.”

 

Merlin made a noncommittal noise and began shoving crisps into his mouth.

 

“C’mon,” Gwen urged. “Think about it.”

 

“Fine,” Merlin muttered. “I’ll ask him tomorrow if he’d like to study at the coffee shop again.”

 

“And you’ll come out with us to the pub on Saturday,” Gwen told him. “You should at least get to know him outside of your philosophy class.”

 

“Fine,” Merlin repeated, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

*~*~*

 

On Friday evening, Merlin walked briskly out of the humanities building, ducking his head and flicking up the collar of his coat when the first blast of cold wind hit him in the face. He’d been trying to cram in a few extra hours of studying before it got too late but time had run away from him and while he’d found three additional resources for his dissertation research, it was well past dinner. He sighed and picked up his pace, thanking his lucky stars that he’d managed to find the horrible, dingy studio just a ten minute walk from the university’s library.

 

When he reached his building, he didn’t bother waiting for the old lift to shutter down and instead ran for the stairs, taking them two at a time. He keyed in to his flat and spared a moment to place his rucksack and books on the table before rushing to the dog crate that sat by his bed.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry, girl,” he cooed, guilt eating away at him as the miniature wire haired dachshund wriggled against him, licking his fingers as he clipped on her lead. “Come, Heide. I owe you a long walk, you poor thing.” Smiling at the sight of Heide tugging on the gaudy, fake-jewel encrusted lead Gwen had given him for Christmas, Merlin took his pet outside.

 

He hated how much time he’d been spending on campus the last few weeks. Juggling meetings with his committee, working on his dissertation, searching for sources, and planning lectures was taking a toll on him. Not to mention grading his students’ papers and writing exams. And then there were the twice weekly meetings with Arthur to help the pushy, bossy finance and marketing student do well in a class that was hardly relevant to his studies. Merlin was barely sleeping and his diet was starting to consist solely of things that came out of a vending machine. It wasn’t even close to ideal.

 

His mother called every so often to ask him how he was doing and he always gave her the same answer: he was busy with his studies but he loved what he was doing. It was starting to sound like a lie. If he were honest with himself, tutoring Arthur about the ins and outs of existentialism was the one thing he actually looked forward to. He didn’t mind teaching nearly as much as he thought he would but it was still work in a way, chatting with Arthur about Kierkegaard, Sartre, Thoreau, and all the others was not. Of course, Arthur asked questions that made Merlin want to laugh sometimes, though never out of a sense of superiority but because he’d forgotten what it was like to interact with people who actually lived their lives rather than talked about life’s meaning.

 

That wasn’t completely fair, he thought. Gwen lived her life, treating her PhD work as though it were a nine-to-five job and even took some weekends off. She had Lance to spend time with, though, and Merlin thought that probably made things easier. Guilt shot through him as he looked down at Heide, busy sniffing a streetlamp. He had rescued her from the shelter for company two years back after being dumped by his boyfriend and now he was hardly ever around to offer company of his own. His poor dog was spending more and more time stuck in her crate during the day than she ever had before. It wasn’t fair and he knew he needed to rearrange his schedule so that she got more exercise and he got a break.

 

The problem was that he didn’t want to stop meeting with Arthur and there was no way he could get out of his standing meeting with Dr Kilgharrah on Mondays. He supposed he could try working from home, but the studio started feeling oppressive if he spent too much time inside. There was always the option to take Heide with him to study, but there was no way he could sneak her into the library and Cedric had terrible allergies, meaning Merlin couldn’t even bring her to his department office, despite Gaius having previously told him he didn’t mind if there was a dog around. He’d claimed that anyone who was willing had a right to learn philosophy, even dogs.

 

Merlin immediately ruled out bringing her to one of the cafés he liked; it was too cold to make her sit beside him at one of the outdoor tables. He doubted that even the silly pink jumper Gwen had knitted specifically for Heide would keep her warm for as long as Merlin needed to study. Sighing, he whistled for her to turn around and walked back to the flat. There had to be an alternative where he could go to all of his meetings, work on his lectures, write his dissertation, and make sure his dog wasn’t left alone for hours without company.

 

Maybe he could cut his meetings with Arthur down to once a week, he thought as he opened the door to his flat and unclipped the lead from Heide’s collar. Arthur hadn’t seemed as excited about their meeting earlier that afternoon and had even left early, claiming he needed to go to the business school for a guest lecture. Yes, Merlin resolved, he would tell Arthur at the pub the following evening that they no longer needed to meet quite as frequently.

 

As much as he liked spending time with Arthur, Merlin could no longer convince himself that these tutoring sessions were anything more than a student asking for his instructor’s help. Even if they were, Merlin reminded himself, he couldn’t do anything. Arthur was his student and Merlin was responsible for him, was trusted with educating and protecting him. He wasn’t about to date him even if he thought Arthur might be interested.

 

It was true that Arthur flirted with him quite a bit but Merlin thought that just was Arthur. He was handsome and funny and even a little bit arrogant but Merlin liked him all the same. From what he knew about Arthur from Gwen and Morgana, Arthur rarely maintained relationships and spent more time with his friends playing rugby than with any boyfriend or girlfriend he may have had. Merlin figured that was fair; Arthur was twenty-two to Merlin’s twenty-six and there was no rule that said by the time you hit twenty-two you needed to have been in a serious relationship.

 

Merlin briefly wondered if that meant Arthur was actually a slag but dismissed the thought almost as quickly as it had come. Arthur was _busy_ , Merlin noted, he’d said so that first time in Merlin’s office.

 

Merlin sighed and scooped Heide up before flopping on the bed. He cuddled her to his chest and when she wriggled free, he scratched her ears. He drifted off to sleep still wearing his trainers and jeans, Heide curled up against his side.

 

*~*~*

 

Arthur walked into the pub with Lance and immediately noticed Gwen, Morgana and Merlin sitting in a booth, laughing over a pint. He and Lance walked over and Arthur had to fight to keep the grin off of his face when Merlin looked him over, a small, contemplative smile on his face.

 

“Arthur!” Morgana cried, a terrifying grin on her face as she stood up and shoved her brother into the seat she had just occupied. She went around to the other side of the booth and squeezed in on Gwen’s right.

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow at Arthur and muttered something about Morgana’s subtlety that made Arthur snort.

 

“She can’t help it,” Arthur muttered quietly enough that only Merlin could hear him. “When she gets an idea…”

 

“Share with the class, Arthur,” Morgana chided pleasantly as Arthur rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m getting a drink,” Arthur said, scooting out of the booth and turning to Lance. “Lager?”

 

Lance nodded. “Thanks.”

 

Arthur headed for the bar, trying not to chuckle at Merlin’s outraged, “Morgana! You know I can’t,” which he supposed Merlin hadn’t intended for him to overhear. At least it confirmed what Gwen and Morgana had been telling him – despite Merlin’s protests, he was interested in Arthur.

 

The next two hours of the pub passed pleasantly. Leon joined them after a short time as did one of Lance’s friends from the hospital called Percy. Gwaine stopped by at one point with Elena but they didn’t stay long, begging off so that they could meet up with a few of Elena’s friends at a club. Even Morgana’s friend Morgause, who Arthur was most definitely _not_ intimidated by, joined them for a round of drinks.

 

As their group expanded, Arthur found himself pulled into a conversation by the bar with Lance, Leon and Percy, leaving Merlin with the girls. Arthur kept looking back at Merlin, checking to make sure he didn’t mind being left behind, and was pleased, and maybe a little jealous, to see how easily he got along with Morgana and Gwen. No one could get along easily with Morgause, Arthur thought, but Merlin was friendly enough that she didn’t seem to pick on him the way she picked on Arthur.

 

“Go talk to him,” Lance finally said to Arthur, a grin on his face as he followed Arthur’s gaze. “He’s not going to reject you in front of everyone.”

 

Arthur snorted. “Thanks, mate.”

 

“I’m serious,” Lance said and Arthur nodded before walking back over to the booth and settling himself awkwardly across from Merlin.

 

Morgana offered Arthur a small, secretive smile and turned back to her conversation with Morgause and Gwen about a book she’d just finished.

 

Now that he was seated across from Merlin, who was gazing at him expectantly and with something akin to nervous pleasure, Arthur had no idea what to say. Merlin seemed to recognise this because after a few more awkward moments, he asked, “How was your guest lecture yesterday?”

 

“Boring,” Arthur said, shrugging. “We talked about the inclusion of ethnographers in marketing. It’s nothing new.”

 

Merlin affected a wounded expression. “You left a wonderful conversation about the lack of external guidelines on personal morality for that?”

 

“I don’t know about wonderful,” Arthur said dryly.

 

“Don’t play with me, Arthur,” Merlin said severely, eyes dancing, “I know you look forward to my knocking you about in intellectual debates.”

 

Arthur laughed. “You’re delusional.”

 

“Nah, I think I’m right.” Merlin grinned, his teeth showing. “You love it.”

 

“Maybe, I do,” Arthur replied in what he had hoped had been a light-hearted tone but judging by Merlin’s sudden stiffness had conveyed his more serious feelings.

 

“Right,” Merlin said, drawing back from the table so that he could survey Arthur more critically. “I think I’d better get going.” He reached for his scarf, an attractive blue one that matched his eyes, Arthur was pleased to note, and asked Gwen to pass him his coat.

 

“You’re not leaving already,” Morgana protested, halting her conversation with Morgause.

 

“I think I’d better,” Merlin admitted. “I’ve had three pints and I need to wake up early to work.”

 

“And you’ll have a headache,” Gwen teased but her expression morphed into a frown when she saw the weariness in Merlin’s eyes.

 

Merlin shrugged. “I’ll see you on Monday, Gwen.” He nodded to Arthur. “See you in class.”

 

Morgana rounded on her brother when Merlin left, waving his goodbye to the men at the bar. “What did you say to him?”

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Arthur snapped, reaching for his own coat and shrugging into it. “He’s such an idiot!”

 

“He doesn’t want you to do something that will get you both in trouble,” Gwen said kindly, stopping anything Morgana might have said. “He’ll be heading back towards the university, if you were hoping to catch him.”

 

“Thanks,” Arthur said, leaving the pub without a goodbye to his friends. He’d see Lance back at the flat and Leon the following night for dinner at Morgana’s.

 

He hurried down the street, catching up to Merlin easily. “Oi! Stop running away from me.”

 

Merlin turned around and crossed his arms, settling Arthur with a tired, closed off expression. “I’m not running away. I’m not scared of you.”

 

“No, you’re too wrapped up in whatever fantasy land you’ve created to actually have a conversation with me about something other than your idiotic ethical dilemmas,” Arthur said, closer to shouting than he would admit. 

 

“You’re impossible,” Merlin snapped. “You can’t have everything you want, Arthur. It doesn’t work that way. I’m here to teach you, not coddle you and hold your hand.”

 

“I’m not interested in sleeping with you to get a better grade,” Arthur said angrily, drawing looks from people on their way to the pub.

 

“Christ,” Merlin muttered, shaking his head. “You are a prat.”

 

“You like me,” Arthur said. “I know you do. Put aside your stupid ethical quandary and just live. Just exist, Merlin, and do something that makes you happy.”

 

“We’ve discussed living for pleasure,” Merlin told him, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Stop turning everything into a philosophical lesson,” Arthur replied, irritated. “Can’t you enjoy yourself and do something you want? I’m not a child and I won’t be your student for much longer.”

 

Merlin drew in a shaky breath and shook his head. “No, I can’t, it’s too much.”

 

 “You’re an idiot,” Arthur announced, turning on his heel and getting ready to march back into the pub. If Merlin really wasn’t interested, Arthur wasn’t going to continue looking the fool. He was done with this.

 

“Arthur,” Merlin said quietly and Arthur turned around, glowering at him.

 

“What?” he demanded and suddenly Merlin was much closer, his forehead almost touching Arthur’s and his hands fisted in Arthur’s jacket, drawing him close. Arthur froze for a moment and Merlin took advantage, crushing their mouths together and forcing Arthur’s lips apart with his tongue. It took just a few seconds for Arthur to settle his hands on Merlin’s waist, drawing him closer as he allowed for the kiss to become something much more heated and lewd than any public kiss should ever be.

 

Arthur felt himself leaning against Merlin, allowing Merlin to take charge of the kiss as he pressed against him, hand cupping his jaw. Arthur was about to break away long enough to ask Merlin to come home with him but Merlin drew back as suddenly as he had initiated the contact, the same sad smile on his face that Arthur had seen that day in the coffee shop.

 

“I need to go,” Merlin whispered, untangling himself from Arthur’s grip and walking away, leaving a stunned, frustrated and more than a little aroused Arthur standing on the street corner.

 

*~*~*

 

Merlin cancelled their next two meetings after class on Tuesday, telling Arthur that he was falling behind on his own work and with the end of term drawing near, Arthur should focus on his other, more important studies. Arthur had been furious and tried to talk to Merlin longer but Freya had come back to collect her water bottle and interrupted, asking Merlin for advice on her end of term paper.

 

By Friday, Arthur was tired of Merlin’s avoidance tactics. He’d stopped by Merlin’s office anyway on Wednesday only to find a sallow skinned, dark haired man at the desk Arthur had never seen occupied. He’d introduced himself as Cedric and told Arthur that he hadn’t seen Merlin since Thursday when Merlin had gone on an errand for Dr Kilgharrah and not returned.

 

“Arthur,” Gwen said, seeing him enter the corridor that led to the graduate student offices. “Merlin isn’t in today. He’s working from home.”

 

Arthur sighed. “I need to talk to him.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Gwen replied. “Don’t take it personally; he’s really got a lot of work to do.”

 

“Could you give me his mobile number?” Arthur asked. “All I’ve got is his email and he didn’t respond.” He looked at her nervous expression and frowned. “He told you what happened.”

 

Gwen fidgeted. “Oh, Arthur, I’m sorry. He had a bit more to drink than normal, he’s never that impulsive. I don’t think he meant–”

 

“Right.” Arthur nodded, cutting her off and feeling as though Gwen had just punched him in the gut. “Thanks.”

 

“Arthur, no, you’re not listening,” Gwen cried, grabbing Arthur’s forearm. “I didn’t mean that Merlin doesn’t like you or didn’t mean to kiss you. I just meant that I don’t think he wants to hurt you. He’s angry with himself for giving in when he knows it could get you both in a lot of trouble.”

 

“You mean he’s covering his own arse,” Arthur said angrily. “Even better.”

 

Gwen eyed Arthur as though wondering if he was intentionally being thick. “He’s trying to make sure neither one of you get hauled up in front of the disciplinary committee for a hearing.”

 

“This is stupid,” Arthur muttered, turning away. “I’ll see you later, Gwen.”

 

Arthur felt badly for causing the hurt expression he briefly saw on Gwen’s face, but he couldn’t help it. He was furious with her and with Merlin for their non-confrontational approach. Arthur had never been one to sit back and let things happen; he worked for the things he wanted and he got them. He didn’t hide and hope that they would one day be his. Frustrated, he pulled out his mobile and texted Gwaine, telling him he wanted to go to Maloney’s for their stupid quiz night.

 

*~*~*

 

The next two weeks passed in much the same manner for Arthur. He kept trying to confront Merlin and Merlin kept pushing him away, telling him that they would talk later and then cancelling their appointments. Arthur always said he wouldn’t seek Merlin out but when Wednesday or Friday rolled around he still went over to the philosophy department in the hopes of finding Merlin. His other courses were becoming much more demanding, the workload for finals adding additional hours to Arthur’s study time. He started spending his time in the library, waiting to catch Merlin coming in to check out books.

 

Arthur began to heavily participate in class. He’d continued his outside philosophy readings, hoping that if he was ever to run into Merlin, he would be able to convince him to grab a coffee and discuss existentialism. Arthur still didn’t think he liked it, still had no desire to ever take another philosophy course in his life, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to talk philosophy with Merlin. His temper was on edge and it wasn’t until Lance pulled Arthur aside and told him to stop taking his frustration out on Gwen when he couldn’t find Merlin that Arthur redirected his anger into his coursework.

 

On the second to last week of class, Arthur finally managed to pull Merlin aside and browbeat him into having a conversation.

 

“This is pathetic,” Arthur told him as they walked towards Merlin’s office.

 

“No, it’s the rules,” Merlin said quietly, holding the door open for Arthur to come in and sit down.

 

“Do you really care that much?” Arthur demanded, glancing at Merlin’s whiteboard drawing of a thunderstorm and frowning. All of Merlin’s other drawings had been rather happy or whimsical.

 

“Yes,” Merlin said simply. “I also have patience.”

 

Arthur frowned. “You’re waiting?”

 

Merlin gave Arthur a look that clearly said he thought Arthur was an idiot and then shut the door to his office so that no one could overhear them. “I was hoping you’d forget about everything and then just bugger off and graduate but that’s not happening is it?”

 

Arthur shook his head. “I’m not moving away after I graduate.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Merlin muttered. “Look, I honestly stopped caring about the ethics of this whole,” he waved his hands between them, “thing a long time ago. It’s not about that. It’s about you needing to focus on your work and have no one questioning why you’re doing well. You said you’re aiming for a First and you’re going to get it. You’ve started getting top marks and I don’t want anyone wondering why.”

 

“The whole class thinks you hate me,” Arthur pointed out. “Gilli said something about how I’m a self-righteous git and you should have kicked me out a long time ago.”

 

Merlin snorted. “He’s not wrong.”

 

“Nice,” Arthur said dryly.

 

“Well, your participation was shit up until a few weeks ago,” Merlin informed him. “If you hadn’t gotten that kick in the pants, you’d still be sulking.”

 

“That was your fault,” Arthur protested, gathering his things to leave.

 

“Maybe,” Merlin agreed. “There’s only one more week of classes and then exam week, Arthur. Go sort out your life, think about what you want.” He shook his head and said quietly, “I’m not it and you need to realise that.” He sighed resignedly. “Now go, you’ve got your exams to study for.”

 

“Merlin,” Arthur began, frowning.

 

“Go on,” Merlin said, opening the door. “I’ll see you next week. You really don’t need the extra help anymore and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop bothering Gwen. She’s really upset.”

 

Arthur nodded stiffly and left without a backwards glance.

 

*~*~*

 

On the last day of term, Arthur stopped by the philosophy department to pick up his final essay. Merlin had emailed everyone their term grades and said that if they wanted them, he’d be in all day Friday to give back the hard copies of their papers. He hadn’t tried cornering Merlin to talk again but he had apologised to Gwen and Lance and even Morgana for being such an arsehole the previous weeks. They had all forgiven him and, once he’d shared with Morgana what Merlin had told him, she’d said Merlin had been right; Arthur should think about what he wanted.

 

Arthur had spent the last two weeks thinking and now, he decided, he was finally going to work things out properly with Merlin.

 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, knocking on Merlin’s open door.

 

Merlin swivelled around in his chair and offered Arthur a tired smile. “C’mon in and have a seat.” He ran a hand through his messy black hair and scratched his head, contemplating his desk. “I didn’t actually think anyone would come looking for their essays.”

 

Arthur snorted. “Did you lose them?”

 

“They’re here somewhere,” Merlin said doubtfully, moving stacks of papers around.

 

Arthur dropped his rucksack on the ground and started helping Merlin look. “I thought about what you said, you know.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Merlin asked, casting a curious look at Arthur who was now invading Merlin’s personal space. “What did you decide?”

 

“Merlin?” Gwen interrupted, looking between Arthur and Merlin apologetically. “Are we still on for lunch? I still haven’t gotten to see how Heide looks in that sweater I knitted.”

 

“Yeah.” Merlin chuckled. “I’m not sure pink’s really her colour.”

 

Gwen laughed. “Come get me whenever you’re done.” She nodded to Arthur, a smile on her face. “Take your time; I’m not in any rush.”

 

Arthur frowned at the exchange between Merlin and Gwen. Was Heide the reason Merlin had really started pulling away? He didn’t think Merlin was the sort of person who would lead someone on. He talked too much about honesty and ethics and Arthur truly didn’t see him as a liar, but the knowledge that there was someone else still hurt more than Arthur was willing to admit.

 

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, closing the door to his office so that no one else could interrupt them. A small smile was tugging at Merlin’s lips as he looked Arthur over. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m…I didn’t know,” Arthur said quickly, making Merlin immediately confused. “I should go. I didn’t know about her.”

 

“Who?” Merlin asked, looking back towards his closed door. “Gwen? She won’t care if we get lunch a little later than normal. You said you came to talk to me.” He cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms. “Did you finally figure out that you can do much better?”

 

Arthur heard the hurt and disappointment that was hiding beneath Merlin’s casual tone.  “What about Heide?”

 

“What about her?” Merlin asked, bemused.

 

Arthur frowned, wondering if Heide perhaps was Merlin’s flatmate or sister and not the girlfriend he had imagined in his brief fit of jealousy-induced forgetfulness of the fact that Merlin was gay.

 

Merlin started laughing at the look on Arthur’s face. “Heide’s my dog.”

 

“Oh,” Arthur said, doing his best not to blush.

 

“Heide, short for Heidegger?” Merlin grinned at Arthur’s obvious discomfort. “Did you still need to talk to me? Term’s over, you did well in my class, you should go out with your friends.”

 

Arthur stared at Merlin, wondering how he could be so casual. “I don’t want to.”

 

“I thought so,” Merlin said quietly, finally locating Arthur’s essay and handing it over. “I’m not surprised, really.” He smiled that sad smile Arthur was really starting to hate. “Good luck at your new job. Morgana was telling me about it, I’m happy for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Arthur replied, trying not to think about other things that Morgana could have potentially told him. “You’re not my instructor anymore.”

 

Merlin shook his head, a wry look on his face. “Nope, you never have to see me again. Aren’t you lucky?”

 

“Shut up,” Arthur muttered, reaching out and tugging Merlin over to him. “I want to see you, you idiot.”

 

Merlin licked his suddenly dry lips. “Are you sure about this?”

 

“I’ve been sure for months,” Arthur snapped, his hands firmly on Merlin’s waist. “You’re the one who kept running away.”

 

“I was protecting you,” Merlin muttered, head falling onto Arthur’s shoulder.

 

“You really believe that, don’t you?” Arthur asked fondly, brushing a kiss against Merlin’s cheek.

 

Merlin buried his face into Arthur’s neck. “Shut up.”

 

Arthur laughed. “C’mon, invite me to lunch with you and Gwen and then spend the night with me.”

 

“Cheeky,” Merlin teased, pulling back to look at Arthur with eyes sparkling. “Aren’t you even going to ask me out for a drink?”

 

“Do you want chocolates and flowers, too?” Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Merlin rolled his eyes but a warm smile had made its way across his face and excitement was blossoming in his stomach. “Come have lunch with us.”

 

Arthur smiled and tilted his head so that he could kiss Merlin full on the mouth. It started as something sweet, making up for all of the time over the last few months where they couldn’t touch but wanted to. Arthur opened his mouth, coaxing Merlin to do the same and turning the kiss into something deeper and full of promises.

 

Merlin made a contented noise and wrapped his arms tightly around Arthur before breaking away and whispering, “Not here, not yet.”

 

Arthur nodded in understanding but couldn’t help but keep one hand on the small of Merlin’s back as they walked down the corridor to collect Gwen. He kissed Merlin once more, drawing him close before they knocked on Gwen’s door and went to have lunch.

 

Maybe this was it, Merlin mused as he slid closer to Arthur while they waited for Gwen to collect her coat and purse. Maybe he was finally going to live his life and have someone by his side that made him happy. He grinned at Arthur, who had his eyes trained possessively on Merlin, and nodded once. Yes, he thought, this had been something worth waiting for.

 


End file.
